American Idol

Let's just get it out of the way. The greatest thing to ever happen on American Idol. Ryan Seacrest stands on the stage and makes a JO motion. WTF was up with that???!!!! He was talking about Simon grabbing a microphone, but looked like he was whacking his bag. I was hyperventilating I was screaming so much. Greatest video ever - can't wait til it's posted all over the internet.

Also great - that crazy girl in the audience. Sanjaya pulls out this horrific "high energy" "rocking" performance and the girl in the audience is crying. Crying out of love mind you. And through the WHOLE THING! Poor, misguided young girl - unless she has a penis, he's not interested. I've never laughed so much through an AI performance.

Haley bounced around on stage with no bra. Those were the 2 best things about her performance. I think she was trying to be sexy but she didn't sing well. Ugh.

Chris R. was good but I can't stand his nasally falsetto voice. Stephanie, Gina, and Chris S. were alright. Cancer Boy Phil won't be good until he gains 50 pounds, gets a tan, and grows some facial hair. WTF was that mess?

I thought Blake missed some of those high notes, but he gets major points for singing an awesome song - "What's your name? Who's your daddy? Is he rich like me?" However, the beatboxing and dancing have officially run their course with me.

LaKisha was good, and rocking the dress and the big hair with a sexy version of "Diamonds are Forever". But it seemed like an impersonation to me, like a performance as a character. The real LaKisha didn't come through.

Jordin and Skillet were probably the best. Melinda may have found the right haircut for someone with no neck - she looked better.

Go home: Stephanie or Phil