Quick Question

Fergie's definitely a dude, right?

(Sorry for the 2 vomit-inducing photos. Hope you skipped lunch.)

Big Brother: God Loves Us More Than He Loves Amber

OHTHANKGODAMBERISGONE!!! She went all-out with the begging to stay, and it made me ill. "I'm gonna try not to cry" - and then she started to cry on the word "cry"!!!! I feel bad for Jameka, but not for Amber. Hey, don't people usually get dressed up for evictions? Amber looked the worst she's ever looked. What does the future hold for Amber? "Inspirational speaker or nursing school." What happened to being a supermodel? Goodbye to the dumbest person I've seen on TV in a while. Can't wait for a few weeks from now when she finds out how much America despises her dumb ass.

Eric has now accomplished 18 out of 24 of America's tasks, and has made $30,000. Not too shabby. It was freaky how much Eric's brothers talk just like Eric. Same intonation and cadence, less-wild eyebrows.

The Head of Household competition wasn't going to end for a while. I recorded the Showtime show to find out who won; I'm going to try to avoid it online today. I bet Zach wins. Next week: double live eviction! Oooooooo!

The Official Doll of Baloney & Cereal

He's in the perfect stance and everything!

Latest Washington Scandal Makes Me Giddy

Senator Larry Craig, a Republican (naturally!), pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct after an incident in an airport restroom. An officer was conducting a sting operation, as the bathroom had been used for "lewd conduct", which makes it like every rest stop in America I guess.

According to the police report, once in the stall, after having made eye contact with the undercover officer through the crack in the door, Craig tapped his right foot. "I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct…. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area." Craig also made some hand movements between the stalls. (Craig said in his defense that he has a "wide stance" when going to the bathroom. Yeah, that’s pretty damn wide. Also, he was reaching down to pick up a piece of paper. The officer notes that "there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper.") LOL, officer.

After identifying himself as a police officer and going to speak with Craig in private, "Craig handed me a business card that identified himself as a United States Senator as he stated, 'What do you think about that?'."

"Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been," said Craig, who has aligned himself with conservative groups who oppose gay rights. He has supported a federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Craig also has opposed expanding the federal hate crimes law to cover offenses motivated by anti-gay bias and, in 1996, voted against a bill that would have outlawed employment discrimination based on sexual orientation.

I’m not saying he’s gay – I’m just saying he wanted a handy in a men’s restroom.

Welcome to the Church of Big Brother

Last night, Amber taught me not to doubt God because it makes Him upset. Also, you should always have prayer sessions in the Diary Room in front of cameras. The Big Brother editors taught me that Gregorian chant soundtrack = someone's praying in the HOH Chapel. This time it was Jameka, whose prayers seem exhausting.

It was rrrreeeeaaaalllllyyyyy uncomfortable watching Eric put the moves on Jess. Too funny how he went for the mouthwash every time he planned to kiss her. But he was successful! Get some standards, Jess!

I was so happy when Amber lost the Veto competition that I actually applauded. "I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die." YES PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! Amber crying count: 3, including once in the Power of 10 clip.

Eric wins the Veto and decides not to use it. PLEASE GO HOME AMBER!!! I think he should reach out to Zach, tell him they will all vote Amber out, and then have him on their side to make a move on Dick and Daniele. It's really getting too close now and that alliance has to be split up soon.

The Most Fun You Can Have in 16.5 Hours

Season One of Heroes is out today on DVD. You have until September 24 to catch up!

I Guess This Would Drive You to Suicide

Musical Chairs in the Bush Administration

Embattled U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has resigned, senior administration officials told CNN Monday.

Alberto Gonzales was dogged by controversial issues including wiretapping programs and fired U.S. attorneys. President Bush is expected to make a statement about Gonzales at 11:50 a.m. from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, where he has been vacationing.

Gonzales aides at the highest level and other top-level officials knew nothing about the announcement in advance, Justice Department sources indicated to CNN. They were not informed until a meeting this morning, sources said, when Gonzales acknowledged he would be reading a statement at 10:30 a.m. ET.

Bush will likely nominate Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff to the position, senior administration officials said. Chertoff has headed Homeland Security since 2005. He served as a federal appellate court judge, a federal prosecutor and as special counsel for a Senate committee investigating President Clinton's involvement in the Whitewater land development.

Big Brother Apparently Makes You Delusional

How else to explain Amber? The rest of the show was pretty boring (now I miss Jen), but the Amber segments were great.

God bless the editors. Amber says she could be a model (and wants to go on America's Next Top Model). She thinks she has a gorgeous face, great hair, a beautiful body, and a great personality. So they show her with her mouth open, with her lumpy bikini body, and shoveling food into her mouth. LOL, Big Brother. How sad that this woman doesn't realize how many people hate her, and her winning personality.

The last straw with this bitch was her prayer/conversation with God -- in the Diary Room!!!!! Stop talking to God while you're looking directly into a camera!!! She also said "God bless you" - to God. This woman is a lunatic and I want her gone.

Bizarro Story to Start the Week

Owen Wilson’s emergency hospitalization on Sunday was the result of a suicide attempt, The National Enquirer and Star Magazine are exclusively reporting.

Police and an ambulance responded to a 911 call from Wilson’s house in Los Angeles around noon on Sunday.

Wilson has now been transferred from St. John’s to another Los Angeles area hospital. His brothers Andrew and Luke are with him. Andrew found him after the suicide attempt and called an ambulance. Both of Owen’s wrists were slashed superficially and Owen had taken an overdose of pills. Owen was found with a nearly empty bottle of pills next to him. He was at his house in Santa Monica.

Owen is said to be in stable condition at the moment.

Wow, who saw this one coming?

Wanna Make Ten Bucks?

I'll give it to you if you can make sense of this blithering-idiot Miss Teen USA contestant.

Why I Can't See "Resurrecting the Champ"

Because Samuel L. Jackson's character sounds exactly like Tyrone Biggums. "I smoke rocks!"

Random Pop Quiz

On The Cosby Show, Rudy was singing a song with the lyrics, "Baby do it to me all night long." When asked by her father, what did Rudy think "it" was?

Big Brother Loses Some Boobage

I found out yesterday afternoon that Jen had had a freakout during the week. I knew she had destroyed Dick's cigarettes - didn't know she threw them in a trash can with bleach (LOL!). And she ate real food while she was on slop. That's great too! I guess she figured she was going home so was all, F this, I'm eating a bun-less turkey burger with my bare hands! I was giddy with delight when Jen and Dick got in their fight. I was squealing and had to watch it twice. She grabs his cigarette and then tried to say that he's burning her on purpose. Well, yeah, it's hard to avoid burning you when you're grabbing the lit end of the cigarette. I'm surprised that she received a "penalty vote" for breaking the food rule and not for destroying Dick's property. But I guess BB could just replace the cigs. {ETA: They did replace them. Also, apparently the live feeds show her punishment was actually for the destruction of property; it was edited to look like she was punished for breaking the food rule.} She's a psycho, but I will miss her. And her stripper glitter.

I'm sorry, their roots are still bothering me. You could really see Dani's during her Power of 10 segment. And Amber's are horrific because she has that horrible you-know-it's-crunchy curly hair with highlights and now an inch of dark roots sits at the top. I realize Jen's hair got darker, but I have a hard time believing all the girls got touch-ups. It looks like Jessica tried to touch hers up but didn't quite match the color.

In live feed news, Eric has been caught masturbating at least 3 times. He just does it in bed!! Use the shower, toilet, or jack shack, dude!

Reading Comprehension Clearly Not My Thing

In perusing the entertainment news over the past couple of days, I saw several stories about Ryan Seacrest and the Emmys. I didn't realize until just now that the stories were about him hosting the Emmys. This oversight could have been caused by my hatred of Ryan Seacrest preventing me from fully reading the story. Also, I just figured it was about him hosting the pre-show. The actual show??? ICK! What does he have on FOX execs that they keep giving him these jobs?! Like the Super Bowl wasn't bad enough!

Ryan Seacrest may be accustomed to hosting just about everything – from American Idol to his radio show – but the busiest man in show business is nervous about his latest gig as host of the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards.

"I'm scared because it's a room full of actors who probably hate me, " Seacrest said during his KIIS-FM radio show on Wednesday.

But all jitters aside, Seacrest said he is looking forward to his most recent resume builder. "I'm going to have a good time hosting that thing," he added.

Producers are hoping the audience will have a good time as well, and that Seacrest will "serve as a magnet for attracting a diverse array of viewers to our Emmy telecast," according to Dick Askin, chairman and chief executive officer of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.

The 59th Annual Primetime Emmys will air on FOX Sept. 16.

Deion Sanders is an Idiot

If you’re up for a laugh, read this great commentary on the Mike Vick situation by Neon Deion. Here are some excerpts, with my commentary. Excuse me while I rant for a minute or two.

What a dog means to Vick might be a lot different than what he means to you or I. Hold on, don’t start shaking your head just yet. Listen to me. Some people kiss their dogs on the mouth. Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine, if you can believe that.

And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street. You’re probably not going to believe this, but I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest. {Really? What about the ones that weren’t the baddest – the ones he killed?!} Maybe, he identified with them in some way.

{Is his point that some people don’t love animals that much so then it’s OK if they mistreat them? So I'll take that rationale and extend it to people. Since I don't like people as much as some people do, I should be able to treat them any way I want (gouge their eyes out, murder them, etc.).}

Why are we indicting him? Was he the ringleader? Is he the big fish? ... Was he wrong? Absolutely. Was he stupid? Can’t argue with that. Was he immature? No doubt. But is he the ringleader? I just can’t see it. {And as we all know, in our criminal justice system, if Deion Sanders can’t see it, then it’s not true. Also, stop asking so many damn questions.}

I believe Vick had a passion for dogfighting. {Some people have a passion for cocaine. Hitler had a passion for Aryans. Doesn’t make it legal.} I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It’s like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn’t tap out when he knows he can’t win. {Right. The dog DIES, idiot. And that's wrong.}

It reminds me of when I wore a lot of jewelry back in the day because I always wanted to have the biggest chain or the biggest, baddest car. It gives you status. {STATUS? You’re making an analogy between wearing jewelry and fighting dogs??? Really?}

Can I pause for a moment to ask you a question?

Who shot Darrant Williams? Remember the Denver Bronco cornerback? I’m just more concerned about bringing to justice someone who killed a human. {This case has nothing to do with Mike Vick’s case. It’s not like the cops working on the Williams case picked up and moved to Virginia to deal with the Vick situation, you dolt.}

We’re attacking this dogfighting ring the same way a teenager attacks his MySpace page after school (by the way parents, make sure you monitor your kids). {I don’t understand this analogy AT ALL. But thanks for the tip.} We should have the same passion for man that we have for man’s best friend.

How will this end up? I have no idea. All I know is Falcons fans better pray because Vick’s backup is Joey Harrington. Enough said. {Oh, OK, so if the Falcons had a better backup then it would be OK. But since they need Vick, we should let him off the hook.}

God bless and God willing I’ll hollah at you next week. {Die.}

Big Brother: God Is Dead

Score one for the atheists!! Amber said God told her that she would win the POV competition. Either God doesn't exist, or God lied. Either way, that's not good news for the Pope. The mouthbreather must have had a meth flashback.

I want Amber gone (crying count for the night: 5), but tragically Danielle took her off the block and put up Jen instead. Jen started out a pain in the ass, but lately she's just a boring whiner. Danielle wanted Amber to agree not to put her up if Amber wins HOH. But Amber's mouth runs as much as her tear ducts - she basically says she'll do whatever Danielle wants her to do, she'll never nominate Danielle ever, and will even vote out Jameka if that's what Danielle wants. Wow. Amber is a lunatic. And of course she swore -- on her daughter's life.

I love this stage of the show because the roots start showing on all the blondes and they have to find new and creative ways of covering them up. I hope their stylists gave them some touch-up color. Because I'm sick of Danielle's bandannas.

Can't wait to see dumb Amber on The Power of 10. Kudos on the cross-promotion, CBS.

NOW I Find Mandy Moore Hot

It's amazing what dark hair and tattoos will do for a girl.

Heroes and 24 Casting News

Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars is joining Heroes for a multi episode arc.

Bell will make her Heroes debut some time in October. She’ll play Elle, a character described as a sexy, mysterious young lady who has ties to the supposed death of Peter, H.R.G.’s past, and the future of Claire.

I don't know anything about this chick, but I know Houman's a little siced, along with the rest of the nerd universe.

Janeane Garofalo is joining the cast of 24. She will be a regular playing a government agent who is part of the team investigating the crisis befalling Jack Bauer and Co. in the upcoming season.

I thought the producers tried not to go for recognizable actors. They don't get much more recognizable than Janeane Garofalo.

Fulfilling My Constitutional Obligations

I hope you all appreciate what I had to do in order to fulfill my civic duties and serve my jury duty. I had to sit with the dregs of humanity for 11 hours waiting for them to call the number 59.

I got to the courthouse at 7:30 AM. We started with over 700 people, all listening for their number to be called. This is apparently harder than you would imagine. So many degenerates had to be called several times. I don't know how that Clerk deals with these people day in and day out. They couldn't follow simple instructions like, "write down the name of your judge" or "line up here". Ugh.

My number wasn't called until after lunch, at 1:30 PM. I was sent to a courtroom (after an hour wait in a hallway) with probably 40 people. There were 2 cases picking a jury concurrently. The last jury was picked at 6:30 PM, and I wasn't on it. Dagger too because I would have loved the hot teen sex cases. One dude was 24 and had sex with a 16-year-old. The other jacked off in front of a child under 16. That would have been good times.

So I served my time and MISSED MY F-ING FANTASY DRAFT!!!!! I feel so patriotic. Now I have to catch up on all my Hollywood gossip and see what that disaster Britney's been up to. She can get a lot done in 24 hours.

God is Watching Big Brother

Damn! I was all set to keep track of Amber's crying spells, and her tears virtually dry up! She was off to a really strong start with 4 crying episodes in 15 minutes, but then that was it! At least they had that nice montage showcasing her lack of a vocabulary. LOL.

I want a running tally of Eric's winnings as America's Player, because the boy is racking up the successes. I hope Eric has to give his "woobie" to Dick so that Dick goes "WTF?" and throws it in the toilet.

Amber and Jameka are the nominees for eviction. God already told Amber that she's going to win the Power of Veto. I wish Amber could tell me how the show ends up so I can stop watching.

I Am McLovin

OMG, Superbad was absolutely hysterical! I haven't laughed this hard and this continuously since seeing Borat in the theater. If you need a laugh as badly as I did, please go see this film immediately.

The movie may sound like your typical teenage-boys-on-the-quest-for-beer-and-poon tale, but it's by far the best of those movies that I've seen. It's really realistic - the dialogue is natural, you can imagine most of this stuff happening. And most of all, the girls are cool. They are real girls that you can actually see as being attainable by these dudes. And ultimately, it is a love story between the two guys, who couldn't be cuter.

Jonah Hill and Michael Cera are hysterical, of course. And the McLovin storyline is great too. I need to see it again to get some of the lines down. But I know I will at least be using "I'd give my middle nut to..." regularly.

And Now, the Greatest Look Ever Made in the History of Reality Television

Big Dancing Chef

Last night was a jam-packed night of television for me, and I stupidly stayed up late so I could watch all of it.

I've got to say, I was happy with Big Brother. As much as I HATE Dick, this is interesting stuff. Dustin gets evicted instead! (The look on his face was priceless he was so shocked - and then the cameraman stupidly cut away.) And Dick reached out to Eric for a Dick-Danielle-Eric-Jessica alliance. Maybe just in time too, since Danielle got Head of Household. (Note to the chicks: keep wearing tube tops when you're winning HOH and jumping up and down. Do it for Houman.)

Eric is so pissed at America: "Surprise, surprise, it's Dustin!" He has to vote Dustin out, but is such a great manipulator that he convinces Jessica that's the way to go. Not that it takes much skill to manipulate Jessica.

The only thing I'm bitter about is that my girl Jameka is going to end up getting screwed if that alliance holds together. I hope Eric brings her along for a while.

Sabra won So You Think You Can Dance! FACE! She was my girl. I thought the Top 4 ended up ranked just as they should have been: 4) Lacey and her ass; 3) Neil, who finally said hi to his girlfriend, making me jealous; 2) Danny; and 1) SABRA! That 2-hour finale was the Most Entertaining Reality Show Competition Finale of All Time. They had all the great dances from the season re-performed (and my girl Sara was up there a lot). I'm so glad I watched this season. Like Project Runway, these people have actual talent and it's awesome to watch.

It was the episode of Top Chef where the contestants have to open two restaurants. And these restaurants were lame-o. I might not know much, but I know that you don't have scented candles in a restaurant. Jackasses. And I thought a gay guy would have more taste than that crappy decor in The Garage. The other restaurant didn't seem horrible to me, apart from Brian's freaking out and Tre's over-smoked potatoes.

Mike totally called that they were going to call out the teams, send them each back, and then tell them they get a do-over. Mike has the Sixth Sense for Reality Shows. They get to try again and open two more restaurants. Let's hope they learn from their mistakes and that my man Tre just wins this thing already.

See, Howie Really DOES Love the Ladies

Backstreet Boy Howie Dorough and his longtime girlfriend, Leigh Boniello, are engaged, the couple tell PEOPLE exclusively. They plan to marry later this year.

The proposal to his "soulmate" was carefully planned in a matter of days. Dorough says he looked "at least 40 or 50 diamonds" before he prepared his "Will you marry me?" speech while he and an unsuspecting Boniello were on an annual benefit cruise.

Howie knows that the ladies love diamonds and fireplaces.

Alright, I'll See "Wanted"

You had me at Angelina shooting guns on a Viper.

My Hatred for Bear Grylls Knows No Bounds

I've always preferred Survivorman. This fake ass SUCKS!!!

Big Brother: Dick Is An Ass (Surprise!)

Dick is nuts. He woke everyone up by barging into their rooms and banging on a pot and berating them. He is such a prick. He doesn't have to try this hard - people hate you already, dude. Immature ass.

Daniele's big blowout about getting crapped on because of her dad was good. Especially since she was half doing it as strategy.

Jessica is dumb as a box of rocks. Really. Glad to see she's an independent thinker. Not at all! First Jen plants it in her head that Dustin and Dick are working together. Jess is all, "I knew it." Even though that's a load of bull. As if Dustin could be in league with a guy that constantly calls him "Princess." Then she interprets Eric's America-imposed silent treatment as him being in cahoots with Dick and Dustin. She's so off base it's hysterical!!

I already knew that Dick won The Golden Power of Veto (I still HATE that name), so that took the drama out of that last-second win. Dick uses the Power of Veto on Daniele and now it's him against Dustin. This could totally backfire. People are saying that the producers are really involved this year and that they led the houseguests to evict Kail last week. This will be the ultimate test of how much the producers F with the show. If it is up to them, Dick will stay. We'll see if Jess is dumb enough to get people to vote for Dustin.

Also -- Eric. Totally looks like my cousin David. It really creeps me out now that Kim mentioned it.

Monday Night Reality

Lauren and Pasha are out on So You Think You Can Dance. I'm fine with Lauren, even though I think Lacey and her ass should have gone home before her. Pasha isn't a solo dancer.

I love how they went on Lockdown to give the results, like this is the Situation Room. Is Pasha gay, or just Russian? My gaydar is confused with Neil as well. Anyway -- go Sabra!!

As for Hell's Kitchen, unless they bring big sickly Asian Aaron back, I hereby pledge NEVER TO WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN! It's just so shoddily put together. When the show went to commercial before the announcement of the winner, the music made it sound like someone was deciding whether or not to drop a nuke. I was singing DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN all during the break. It was just a lot of build-up and convenient editing for an obvious result. No S Rock won! He was my man.

Dick is a Big Bother

OMG Dick is a NIGHTMARE! I hate Dick most of all for picking on Jameka. When was she ever dishonest? Maybe she was and I missed it. He's a sore f-ing loser.

Do they have to play organ music every time Jameka prays? Let the girl pray - it calms her down so she doesn't haul off on Dick. Amber praying was hysterical though because she was having a loud-ass conversation with God. Does she have to narrate her life out loud?

Danielle and Dick are nominated, so now Dick is on a rampage. Great. He said he'll make the house hell and make all the girls cry. He's awful. I hope they just walk away when he starts berating them.

Back on the Big Brother Bandwagon

After last night Big Brother 8 has been reinstated as a series recording on my DVR. I want Dick to go down and I don't want to miss it.

They didn't show Amber badmouthing Jews (dagger!), but they did show her blowing up at Eric. Eric was a real douchebag when he told Dick he knows something about Amber that he's keeping in his back pocket. But Amber's a bigger douchebag for twice lying to her boyfriend about being pregnant. Amber had a nice confrontation with Eric -- in front of everyone. But it wasn't perfect for 2 reasons: 1) Amber's mouth-breathing puffy-eyed meth face and 2) Eric's goddamned nipple rings.

Dustin gets 10 points this week for lying to Dick's face and saying he voted to evict Eric. Nicely done Dustin!! I would pay money to watch Dick fume all day. I hate his guts. Now Jessica's HOH and it's 5 against 3. (For now.)

Eric would have stayed in the HOH competition if that idiot robot Julie Chen hadn't screwed up by calling him "Nick" (the answer to the question). It's a battle as to who is worse - Julie Chen or Ann Curry. They're like Ron Burgundy - if it's on the teleprompter they will read it.

Wow! She's Only 50?

Holy Crap!

Is Bridget Moynahan giving birth to a triangle? What kind of pregnant belly is this?

I Know They Can Dance

The video quality stinks, and it's probably illegal, but this is why Sabra and Neil need to win this thing!!! They are sick. I'm so glad they were paired together because they were amazing! The final move in the Paso Doble? The way he slow-motion vaulted over her in the Jazz number? SICK I tell you!

Happy Birthday Owen!

I can't believe you're 2! I remember getting the call 2 years ago at work and running to the Metro to drive up to Pennsylvania. You're such a big guy now. Love ya!

Big Brother 8 Report

OK, so I do like the late-night whispery conniving, lying, and backstabbing. After a couple weeks off, I watched the show Sunday and last night.

Jessica's such a typical chick - tell her something and she runs and tattles. It's funny.

I love Jameka. Of course you don't give up your own money to save one of these idiots! Bad enough she had to give up 5 HOH competitions. It was high comedy to have Jameka crying and praying in the corner while Jen walks into frame whining about her bunny suit.

Dick is an a-hole of the highest regard. And not in a good-reality-show-villain way. He's truly mean. And a groveling dick. Going to Jen and apologizing and calling a truce just so she does what he wants. He's so verbally abusive it has to backfire on him eventually.

Was Jen just trying to stir things up when she told Jess that Eric talks S about her? Or does he really? Either way, Jess believed her, then ran and told Dustin and Jameka. They didn't buy it, so Jess changed her mind. At least she thinks for herself!!

I hope Eric can get everyone on his side. It really all comes down to Chipmunk Jess. But would Eric just cover up those nipple rings already? They make me nauseous.

I Knew I Liked Rock

Rahman "Rock" Harper is the Executive Chef at B. Smith's in Union Station.

Hell's Yes! I love that place. No wonder he made fried chicken and crab cakes last night - those are the best things at B. Smith's. Go Rock!

My Burning Hatred for Hell's Kitchen Flares Up

I thought last night was the last f-ing episode. It wasn't until halfway through that I realized they hadn't even started cooking for the final service yet. OMG - it was only part 1!!!!!

The rigged final contest pissed me right off. Oh what a surprise! The owner of the restaurant has to break a 3-3 tie. That wasn't rigged at all! If it had been 4-1 they wouldn't have even brought the owners out. Goddamn I hate how obviously rigged this show is.

Robin Leach is massive.

Horsefaced Jen came back with all her dramatics. Julia cried like a baby. I used to like her, but she was crying like a spoiled brat. She really thought she'd make it to the Final 2? Really?

So it's breaking down as guys v. girls and they're trying to make it seem like Bonnie is a fighter but there's no way she can beat Rock. This show is depressing because it's making me conduct some self-analysis. Why am I watching something I hate so much? I suppose it's because Mike wants to. He owes me. Big time.

Hawaiian Television Stinks

The call letters KUNT have been approved for a low-power digital television station in Wailuku, Maui. The same station owner also received KWTF for a station in Arizona.

The call letters were among a 15-page list of new call letters issued by the Federal Communications Commission.

KCUF-FM near Aspen, CO has been on the air since December.

Dueling Movie Weekend

In one corner, a cerebral action flick; in the other, a dumb comedy. The good part is, either way, you win.

The Bourne Ultimatum was awesome. Did you expect anything less? Shaky camera work, international locations, realistic car crashes, brutal hand-to-hand combat, tailing people, shaking tails... I'm not sure how much more you could want. Oh yeah, how about the kickass Jason Bourne music. To quote a wise man, "I used to think Matt Damon was a Streisand, but he really rocks the S out of Jason Bourne."

Hot Rod is dumb - but definitely funny-dumb and dumb-funny. It's about the requisite man-child who acts like he's still 12 and hangs out with friends with retro-kitsch tee shirts. Random humor. Montages. Rock ballads. Again, pretty much everything you could hope for.

My Brush With Fame

Here is a dramatization of my sighting of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Exhibit A In My Divorce Proceedings

Or, How I Almost Had Dinner With The Rock.

So Mike and I are eating dinner at Lucille's tonight. A lovely dinner. When I got up to leave, I noticed that the guy behind me had big, jacked-up arms and awesome tribal tattoos. I didn't look at his face. When we got to the parking lot, I saw a huge pimped-out Escalade sitting on 26's and was all, That's a bigass car. That was when Mike decides to tell me that The Rock was in the restaurant. Indeed, Mr. Tattoo was The Rock.

I AM LIVID!!!! How can we sit through the whole meal and leave the restaurant without him telling me it was The Rock??!! It wasn't like I was going to say anything to him. I wasn't going to bother him. But I definitely would have taken note when we left. Then I'd have a great story for you. "He was sitting with so-and-so; he was eating such-and-such." Now all I can report is that he has big arms, tattoos, and a big car. Like that's an F-ing scoop. And that story would definitely beat any of Houman's million Real World sightings or The-chick-from-Scrubs-warned-me-about-parking-my-car stories.

Our marriage is a sham. If he can't tell me when we're sitting next to a celebrity, how can I ever trust him again? At least if he had banged a stripper he wouldn't be doing it in front of my face. I am deeply saddened.

Now that I know The Rock is back at home, I will commence with the stalking.....

You Feel That Sting, Big Boy?

Forget Ron Mexico, Marsellus Wallace is the real problem.

A 40-year-old man was mauled to death by as many as four dogs at the home of Ving Rhames on Friday, authorities said. The victim, who hasn't been identified, had worked at the actor's home for about two years and was responsible for caring for the dogs, said Los Angeles Police officer Sandra Gonzalez.

Police got a call at 7:15 a.m. from someone reporting a dead body at the home. The victim was found on the front lawn, she said.

Rhames wasn't at home when the attack occurred, she said.

Oh, So That's What Chris O'Donnell's Been Doing

Chris O'Donnell and his wife Caroline Fentress are preparing to add yet another child to their ever-growing brood – their fifth.

The 37-year-old actor married Fentress, a schoolteacher, in 1997. Their four other children are Lily, 7, Chip, 6, Charlie, 4, and Finley, 16 months.

Chris Hansen Gets Chris Hansened

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Killer -- I Mean Tweener -- Gets Off Easy

The judge just ruled in the Lane Garrison drunk driving trial: "I intend to remand Mr. Garrison today to the Department of Corrections for diagnostics."

Garrison's lawyers had asked the court for a "diagnostic." That means Garrison will be sent to a California prison for 90 days, where shrinks and others will determine if Garrison is a suitable candidate for probation.

Sources say behind closed doors, the D.A. vehemently opposed the judge's order, favoring four years hard time instead.

If the judge goes along with the defense request, the smart money is that the shrinks will say Garrison is a suitable candidate for probation and the judge will agree. That would mean Garrison would serve 90 days.

So You Think You Can Dance Rocks My World

I was dancing all over the living room after Pasha and Sabra's quick step last night. I DO think I can dance!

Here's how I rank the 4 remaining girls and guys, lowest to highest. Keep in mind they are all awesome so it's hard to choose.
4) Lacey was my favorite for a while but these other girls are better.
3) Lauren has done really well these last few weeks.
2) Sara's only #2 because #1 is so awesome. But Sara's great because she's a b-girl who has mastered other dances, all while wearing high heels she had never worn before. I think she's shown the most growth.
1) Sabra. The girl can simply do no wrong. She is amazing to watch. And she only started dancing when she was 16!!

The problem with the guys is that I don't love any of them and don't think any of them should win.
4) Dominic has done really well for a b-boy, but is the weakest of all of them.
3) Pasha - I don't like hammy, Russian Pasha. He's good, but just too corny for me. "I want make the sexy for you."
2) Danny is technically very good, but there's just something I don't like about him.
1) So that leaves Neil. He's the best of the dudes I think, but I don't think he's the best overall. I wish it could be an all-female Top 4.

Backstreet's Back.... Alright!

Ugh. I'd rather hear from the empty pair of shoes. Don't forget - Howie loves the ladies! (Click for a bigger picture - WTF happened to AJ? Get back on the drugs dude!)

The Backstreet Boys are carefully plotting their comeback after a two-year layoff! Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, AJ McLean and Howie Dorough will be releasing their new single “Inconsolable”, a piano-heavy rock ballad, to radio on August 27th. The empty shoes represent Kevin Richardson leaving the group last year.

Their as-yet-untitled sixth studio album will be out on October 30th.

Comic-Con 2007

I whittled 333 pictures down to 72. Please click on this link to enjoy my photos of Comic-Con 2007. I will also post this picture, since it is my favorite of the group. As we were walking out, we saw guys dressed like the dudes from 300 eating nachos and pretzels and I thought it was funny. Even Spartans have to eat.

Hell's Kitchen Is Almost Over

The contestants had to reinvent classic comfort food. As if that hasn't been done on every season of Top Chef. The nanny doesn't know what Franks & Beans are and think they're British. She's retarded, right?

Jen is so unfortunate looking and was all over this episode with her crying and laughing and screaming. She's a nutbag. And she looks like dirty dishwater. She ended up being eliminated. Because they had to make it a photogenic finale, right?

Rock's been my man since Day One and should mop the floor with Bonnie. She's retarded!

Also, why was Chef Ramsay so damn nice? He's losing it. One more episode left!

San Diego Log: Comic-Con Saturday

Saturday morning was a lot more packed than the day before. We lined up at 8:20 for the room where the Heroes panel was to be held at 12:45. The line was really long, and yet people continued to stream past us to line up for another hour. This room held 4500 people.

First up in the room was the pilot of The Bionic Woman followed by Q&A with the cast and creators. Mike surprisingly didn't like the show, but I'll give it a shot. It has potential and the cast is good.

The Heroes panel was definitely the most fun panel of all. The cast is amazing and gets along so well and is always funny. And there was some man-on-man action which also always seems to happen with this cast. Everyone (everyone who was still alive in the finale) was there, except for the dude who plays D.L. So I'm guessing he's a goner. They were all so appreciative of the fans, since the show debuted at Comic-Con last year and really took off because of the buzz from it. They showed a brief montage of scenes from Season 2.

Here's the Heroes scoop. There will be a Heroes video game. Heroes: Origins will be 6 self-contained episodes focusing on a new hero per episode. It will debut at the end of April. Kevin Smith will be the writer and director of the first episode. He showed up and surprised the cast - apparently his deal was signed very recently. New characters on the regular Heroes show will be Maya (played by the hot chick who was A.J.'s girlfriend on The Sopranos) and Monica, a flood survivor from New Orleans (the actress wasn't named).

After that panel, we headed back to Hall H for the movie studio presentations. First up: Disney. For those interested in The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, the director and star were live via satellite from Prague and some crew were present in San Diego. They plan to do movies of all 7 books and release them every May. They showed scenes from this new one, along with very early CGI stuff. I'm not into these movies, but it was still cool to see it. They showed the National Treasure 2 trailer and what can I say, it looks awesome! I love that cornball movie. Harvey Keitel, Helen Mirren, and Ed Harris are in it.

Disney/Pixar presented Wall.E. I love Pixar and this movie looks adorable. It's about the last robot left on Earth. It's amazing how they can give a robot a personality. It will be interesting because there isn't much dialogue, just robot sounds. But I'll bet they pull it off. The Sound Editor was there with a soundboard and demonstrated all the effects. The director said there would be a live action element, but wasn't specific. We saw drawings, test animation, and an almost-finished scene.

Next up: Marvel Studios. The Incredible Hulk started filming two weeks ago. Ed Norton and Liv Tyler were on the panel. They said the movie would be the beginning of a whole new Hulk saga, and more like the TV show. Ed Norton wrote the screenplay, which I didn't know. They showed a picture of the Hulk concept. It's totally CGI, but better than the Green Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from the other Hulk movie. They plan to use Ed Norton to create the Hulk, so I'm thinking performance capture like Gollum. Hopefully it will look realistic. Iron Man finished filming a month ago. Jon Favreau (skinny again!), Terrence Howard, Gwyneth Paltrow, and Robert Downey, Jr. were on the panel. They showed some kickass footage - this is going to be a great movie. There are lots of practical effects, making it pretty realistic. The crowd demanded to see the footage again. Also, Stan Lee joined the panel. That man is a god at Comic-Con.

Finally: the Sony panel. Resident Evil: Extinction is bloody zombie action. I haven't seen those movies. Milla Jovovich was very pregnant. The panel for 30 Days of Night included Sam Raimi, Ben Foster, and Josh Hartnett. It's another snowy graphic novel, this time with vampires. The clips were scary and gory, but I don't know that I'm going to run out and see it.

Superbad was, of course, a hysterical panel. Judd Apatow, Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (that would be McLovin) were in attendance. Random hilarity ensued. The clips were painfully funny. My stomach hurt afterward. They also showed the first 6 minutes of Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story starring John C. Reilly and Jenna Fischer. It was a straight-up parody of Walk the Line where Johnny Cash's brother dies and it was freaking hysterical.

Comic-Con was crazy fun. We got in at 1 AM this morning after a flight delay, but the trip was so worth it. We're in the airport last night looking at our pictures going, wow, the place was packed, this was a hectic trip. And then we said, Can't wait to do it next year - and for all 4 days. So I'll be booking my hotel shortly and heading out to San Diego again in a year!!!

San Diego Log: Comic-Con Friday

Comic-Con is pretty kickass, I have to say. We got to the convention center at 7:45 AM. We got our badges quickly, and then got in line for the big Exhibit Hall. The loooong line that eventually wrapped around the entire convention center. We were in the first third of the line. In the shade. We got into the Hall at 9:45, along with 6500 of our closest friends.

First up was the Warner Brothers presentation. First panel: the cast of Get Smart: Steve Carell, Masi Oka, The Rock, the Fat Dude From Borat, and the Dude From the Enterprise and Capital One Commercials. We saw scenes from the movie, which they described as a "comedic Bourne Identity." The scenes weren't LOL funny, except for one of them. There were lots of explosions. I'll reserve judgment but it wasn't that money.

Next: another Japanese horror remake, One Missed Call. Wait - they're still remaking Japanese horror movies? I think Houman told me about this movie - the one where you get a cell phone message of you dying. And then you try not to die. It looked a'ight. Shannyn Sossamon was the biggest twit. But what do you expect from a chick that named her kid Audioscience or whatever. Ed Burns wasn't exactly dynamic either. They weren't prepared to deal with the geekdom.

As opposed to Kate Beckinsdale. She must have been to Comic-Con before. She was funny and charming. She was on the Whiteout panel. It's based on a graphic novel about murder in Antarctica. It looks good, and cold. And I love snowy movies.

The Greatest of All the Panels was Shoot 'Em Up. Clive Owen. Need I say more? Also, they showed a bunch of scenes from the movie. IT WAS AWESOME! It's the kind of over-the-top action that makes you laugh while watching it. It was so funny and so good. Can't wait to see the whole thing in September!

We left at a decent hour so we could have dinner with even more of Mike's family. They were all so great! And the Filipino food was soooo good.

(Pictures to follow Monday evening.)

San Diego Log: Thursday

Thursday we arrived outside San Diego. This is the Land of the Asians. And not just Mike's relatives. His relatives are all really great; they have a great sense of humor.

Our first important stop was In 'N Out Burger. I have heard the tales for years, and they're all true. It kicked ass!! We also went to the Harrah's Casino. There are a bunch of casinos on various Indian reservations outside San Diego. They are all in this crazy, rocky, mountainous, no-vegetation area. With horrific windy roads with no guard rails. I'd hate to drive that at night.

Downtown San Diego looks cool; not that I saw much of the outdoors....

West Side!

I'm off to San Diego early tomorrow morning!! I'm butt-exited for Comic-Con Friday and Saturday, and for the 65 trips to In 'n Out Burger.

I'll try to report from the road; we'll see how successful that is.

Celebrating B&C's First Anniversary With Google Analytics

I signed up for Google Analytics about 5 weeks ago. Since then....

I've had 280 unique visitors from 40 countries, including Romania, Serbia, and Turkey.

People have visited from 34 U.S. states.

People have come to my site after searching for such random things as: "wiggles news", "luvs2eaturpeach" (hi perv!), "the inferno timmy 50 stitches", "six flags feet reattach", and "false testicles". That just goes to show the diversity of content you get here at Baloney & Cereal.

Happy Anniversary to me!

Celebrating B&C's First Anniversary With Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay Lohan was popped for possession of cocaine, driving under the influence, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility and driving on a suspended license. Sources say her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit.

Cops tell TMZ cocaine was found in her pants pocket.

Celebrating B&C's First Anniversary With Hell's Kitchen

One year ago I started this blog and one of my first posts was complaining about how bad Hell's Kitchen sucks, but how I can't stop watching. Wow, good to know I've made so much progress in one year.

Last night was actually good because of the moment where Chef Ramsay sent Josh home in the middle of dinner service. Just ripped him a new one and kicked him out of the kitchen. Bye bye Josh! He was a prick anyway. In the end he also sent Julia home. Chef Ramsay's turning into a softy because, instead of his usual "F off", he hugged Julia and said he would send her to culinary school. Waffle House Cook Makes Good. Gotta love that.

It's pretty unbelievable that the final 3 are: a talented, real chef (Rock), a dimwitted nanny (Bonnie), and a horse-faced twit (Jen). Go Rock!

No F-ing Way

I have a general policy banning any mention of LL on my blog. But if she keeps this up, it's just worth it...

Lindsay Lohan was arrested for drunk driving in Santa Monica early this morning -- her second bust in less than three months.

According to the L.A. County Sheriff's Dept., 21-year-old Lohan was nailed around 2:15 AM near Pico Boulevard and Main Street early Tuesday morning.

Just last week, Lohan was quietly booked by Beverly Hills PD for an alleged Memorial Day weekend DUI crash. She was due back in court on August 24 to face charges of driving with a blood alcohol level greater than .08 and misdemeanor hit and run.

Lindsay just turned 21 -- legal drinking age -- earlier this month. She's been voluntarily wearing a SCRAM alcohol monitoring bracelet for the past couple of weeks, even flaunting the device during a recent beach outing in Malibu.

24's New President

They're going with the chick thing!

Cherry Jones has been appointed president, sources tell the Hollywood Reporter, representing the first major casting for Season 7. Jones, 51, has appeared in such recent films as Ocean's Twelve, The Village and Signs. Also of note, she became the first openly lesbian actress to win a Tony award (for The Heiress) when she thanked her longtime partner during her 1995 acceptance speech.

Is it stereotyping for the first female President to be a lesbian? Isn't America more likely to vote for a hot 32-year-old?

My Home State Knows How to Party!

Police said they made 63 arrests at the John Mayer concert at the Hersheypark Stadium. Officials said 46 people were accused of underage drinking; 14 of disorderly conduct; and three each of public drunkenness, possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Woo-hoo - chocolate and John Mayer are a deadly combination!

I'm In Love With Chris Hansen

Why didn't Chris Hansen get nominated for an Emmy for Best Actor in a Comedy? This week's Dateline: To Catch a Predator was the funniest one yet. We were laughing hysterically and rewound in about 4 places.

There was LOTS of begging, this time with Jersey accents. New Jersey cops don't mess around - they tackled these dudes hard.

Best screen name: whosurdaddynj.

Oldest guy: 53 ("You're the daughter I never had" - always a nice pick-up line for a chick you're gonna bang.)

Greatest line of the night: predator tells Chris Hansen: "I thought you were really funny on Opie & Anthony." Great O&A shout-out! He also said, "Right when I saw the brownies, I knew." LOL, dude.

Longest distance traveled: I'll give this to the guy who WALKED 2 1/2 miles to get to the house (and then asked Chris Hansen for a ride home).

We got 2 guys who cried like a baby and one dude with profuse sweating. And I mean profuse.

Next week: an Asian dude passes out. Head first. Into a bar.

The Best Emmy News of All

This song has been nominated for Outstanding Original Music & Lyrics. Who even knew that category existed?

Emmy Nomination Day!

As usual, the Emmy nominations snuck up on me. I always get cised for the Emmys.

The good:
Heroes for Best Drama.
24 not being nominated for Best Drama. (Let's face it, it doesn't deserve it this year.)
The Office and 30 Rock for Best Comedy.
Tina Fey for Best Actress, Rainn Wilson for Best Supporting Actor, and Jamie Pressly and Jenna Fischer for Best Supporting Actress.

The bad:
No Lost for Best Drama - I know I hated on the first part of the year but the rest was awesome.
2 1/2 Men for Best Comedy? Really?
Nothing for The Wire. Which I have come to expect, but this past season was so unbelievably good I thought there was a chance.
How do you choose between Alec Baldwin, Steve Carell, and Ricky Gervais for Best Actor in a Comedy? Can there be a 3-way tie?

Tom Jones Would Be Proud

"She's a lady! Woah, woah, woah, she's a lady!"

Keep thinking you can pop a squat next to your car when there are photographers around! Funny thing is, this is the exact technique I recommended to Kim when she was stuck in traffic. Good to know Pink and I are on the same emergency-urination wavelength.

If She Keeps This Up She'll Be Just Another Fat American

Posh takes the kids to TGI Friday's after soccer practice.

Big Brother is the Worst Show on Television

I watched Big Brother the first two seasons - and loved it - then I stopped. I thought I'd pick it back up this year since it's a CBS show. I watched the first episode going, "This is why I hate this show. These people are so self-involved." It's worse than any other reality competition because these people don't have talent, they don't have to survive in the jungle. They're on TV and they live in a house. BFD. When Jen had TWO crying fits because she didn't like her picture, I immediately took it off my DVR series recording. I definitely liked some of the house guests, but my dislike for others was strong enough to overpower that. The show stinks. Also, I know she's like my First Lady and all, but Julie Chen is a massive head of hair on a spindly little body and she blows too.

So You Think You Can Dance, on the other hand, is the greatest summer show ever. Unlike other reality competitions, these people are all actually talented. They are amazing and it's hard to pick the worst of the bunch. The music is great, the dancing is great, and I'm training now for next year's auditions!

Q: What Do I Have In Common With Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes?

A: We're the only ones who watched Victoria Beckham: Coming to America!

I thought the show was great and I'm so bummed it was cut from a series to a one-hour special. That was lame. I love her, and I think she has a great sense of humour and loves her family so much. It was a funny show, and crazy to see the paparazzi swarming her wherever she goes. I don't know how people live like that. Woe is Posh.

A Wife Swap repeat, 3.9/7, put ABC on top at 8 p.m. The NBC special Victoria Beckham: Coming to America scored a 3.5/6, finishing in a dead heat with reruns of How I Met Your Mother and Old Christine on CBS.

Oh Yeah, He's Definitely Sober Now

It Takes a Real Man to Beat the Crap Out of Andy Dick

And Jon Lovitz is that man!!! From the NY Post....

It was fight night at an L.A. comedy club last week when Jon Lovitz roughed up Andy Dick over the murder of their Saturday Night Live colleague, Phil Hartman.

Laugh Factory owner Jamie Masada, who witnessed the assault, said, "Jon picked Andy up by the head and smashed him into the bar four or five times, and blood started pouring out of his nose." Lovitz told Page Six, "All the comedians are glad I did it because this guy is a [bleep]hole."

Lovitz and Dick have been at loggerheads since a 1997 Christmas party at Hartman's house, five months before his troubled wife Brynn flipped out, fatally shooting Hartman, then killing herself. "Andy was doing cocaine, and he gave Brynn some after she had been sober for 10 years. Phil was furious about it - and then five months later he's dead," said Lovitz, adding that when he filled in on Hartman's Newsradio sitcom, "I told Andy, 'I wouldn't be here now if you hadn't given Brynn that cocaine.' "

Last year, Lovitz related, a drunken Dick strolled up to his table at Ago in West Hollywood, rudely downed his guests' peach liqueur drinks, and "looked at me and said, 'I put the "Phil Hartman hex" on you - you're the next one to die.' I said, 'What did you say?' and he repeated it. I wanted to punch his face in, but I don't hit women."

When the two ran into each other at the Laugh Factory last Wednesday, "I wanted him to say he was sorry for the 'Phil Hartman hex,' " Lovitz told us. "First he says, 'I don't remember saying that.' Then he leans in and says, 'You know why I said it? Because you said I killed Phil Hartman.' Which I never said. Then he asked me to be in his new movie.

"I grabbed him by the shirt and leaned him over and said, 'I don't want to be in your movie! I don't want to be in your life!' I pushed him against the rail. Then I pushed him again really hard. A security guard broke it up. I'm not proud of it . . . but he's a disgusting human being." Dick's rep said he had no comment.

Andy Dick was PWNED!!!

Kirsten Dunst Pictures Always Make My Day

More Owen News

We had a great weekend with Owen and his parents. We had a little early-birthday celebration, along with little cupcakes, which Owen just loved. I had exposed him to Baby's First Pudding the day before - Aunt Jen loves to introduce the junk foods!

You know what I always say - it isn't a party until someone gets naked and pees on your floor. At least this time it wasn't a 30-something Iranian dude.
Bye, Owen! "See ya be ya!"

OK, This One is Cute

Big, but cute. Liam Spelling-Whatshisname is pretty much the biggest baby ever made.

NBC Really Wants to Piss Me Off

I was looking forward to The Bionic Woman for some reason. I was all excited for the debut at Comic-Con. But now this news from TV Guide. And if his ass is at the Comic-Con panel, I won't leave - but I'll turn around in my chair as protest!

Isaiah Washington is back in action — literally. First up, says USA Today, the actor will guest-star this fall on at least five episodes of NBC's Bionic Woman update, playing "an outsider with a mysterious agenda" that will either help or raise hell for Jaime Sommers. Beyond that, the disgraced Grey's Anatomy star has inked a deal to star in a potential action drama he pitched to the Peacock for the 2008-09 TV season.

Hailing Washington as "a brilliant actor," NBC Universal Media Studios president Katherine Pope believes viewers will welcome him back to the screen, in that "people watch characters... not personalities. He's put that [drama] behind him," Pope adds. "Let's give him a chance to do what he does."

Who Keeps Letting This Chick Buy Dogs??!!

Gross

Christina Aguilera is getting fat. Here she is pointing out her fat gunt.

She's Not Going to EAT Those, Is She?

Peanut M&Ms will make you fat.

The O-Dawg is in Town

Owen and his parents are visiting this weekend. I took him to the beach today so I could torture him. Owen doesn't like to be dirty, so he hates the sand - at first.

Then he got used to it and we even went for a walk along the water's edge. He liked sitting with me and watching the waves come up to his feet, and we went for a couple of swims too.
His parents are watching Harry Potter with Mike, so I've got to go get him from his nap and feed him lunch.

What is Happening to the World?

Fewer high school students are having sex these days, and more are using condoms. The teen birth rate has hit a record low. In 2005, 47 percent of high school students reported having sexual intercourse, down from 54 percent in 1991.

More young people are finishing high school, too, and more little kids are being read to, according to the latest government snapshot on the well-being of the nation's children.

Grasping For News

I have been grasping at something to post for the last two days. Nothing is happening! The world has come to a screeching halt. And I hate Harry Potter.

Because of people like this.

The Inferno Not-Quite Reunion

My television billed this as a Reunion, when it was in fact a Top 10 Countdown of greatest Inferno 3 moments. You know your countdown sucks when 7 of the moments revolve around Susie. All of the sudden Susie is a freaking raving bitch. Next time she should be on the Bad Asses not the Good Guys.

Some of the deleted footage was actually good! Johnny and Abram "washing" Susie's pajamas in the toilet was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. Why wasn't that on the show?? They reviewed "unseen hookups". Again, why was this unseen? Kenny and Jenn, Alton and Janelle. Everyone was repulsed by Colie. And OMG Timmy's bleeding knees were horrific! 50 stitches! That's what he gets for kneeling in broken glass and not being John McClane, I guess.

Tonya turned out to be the most self-aware, admitting that these shows are her "life."

Hell's Kitchen Stinks

But there's nothing else going on either.

Melissa moved to the men's team. That leaves the girls' team with three retards, yet somehow they win. The fix was in on the reward challenge. What were they gonna do, have the guys win the photo shoot? And no amount of makeup can cover up Melissa's chin.

Goodbye to Scabby McGee, her gross chin, her Jersey hair, and her Jersey accent. She was good for a while but she all of the sudden turned into Robobitch.

There was no real good Chef Ramsay quote either; next week we get "That looks like baby vomit" though.

Who's the Hotter Dude?

Jack Nicholson, his moobs, or the Pussycat Dolls?

24 Gets Deader To Me

First comes the shocking news that I'm passing up the just-added 24 panel at Comic-Con in favor of a presentation by 20th Century Fox. And now this, from TV Guide:

Season 7 of 24 promises to be its most tense yet. At least on the set.

Execs at the Fox hit have scrapped virtually their entire story line for the season, delaying the start of production by roughly three weeks. According to sources, the 11th-hour time-out was called after the network put the kibosh on a costly plan to shoot a number of episodes in Africa. Producers briefly toyed with the idea of finding a location in Los Angeles that could sub for the continent, but they ultimately decided to ditch the whole concept and start over from scratch.

Mary Lynn Rajskub confirms that the clock for Day 7 has been reset. "I don't know what's going on over there, but they're going crazy," says the scene-stealer, who only learned last week that Chloe would even be returning. "We usually start [back up] at the end of July, and I don't think we're starting until a couple of weeks into August now. It's kind of exciting, because I think [the postponement] means that they're really having to dig in there and come up with new stuff."

The show's creative team was no doubt already feeling the pressure: Day 6 was considered to be about as explosive as a wet firecracker, so for Season 7 they really needed a plot that was incendiary. In fact, news of the setback comes on the same day the semiannual Television Week critics' poll named 24 the second worst show on TV, behind ABC's best-not-traveled October Road.

Copycats Are Lame

First everyone was nuts. Now they're crackers.

A small number of die-hard fans of NBC's recently canceled drama The Black Donnellys plans to ship nearly 300 pounds of Zesta crackers (about 45,000 crackers) to HBO executives beginning next week in hopes of persuading the premium cable outlet to pick up the moribund show.

Fans were inspired by the recent success of Jericho fans and vow to keep sending crackers to HBO as long as donations hold out. In June, Jericho fans inundated CBS with tons of nuts, eventually persuading the network to exhume the post-apocalypse drama after it was dropped from its fall schedule.

Donnellys fans said they selected Zesta crackers because they are featured in a lounge sign belonging to one of the show's main characters.

Copycats suck. But also, it would have been cooler if they had chosen crackers because the show is about white people. I thought that was why until I got to the last sentence.

Comic-Con Preliminary Schedule Released

I'm going to try to forget the things that I'm going to miss (Lost, Indiana Jones, Beowulf, Iron Man - all on Thursday!!). Let's just concentrate on the things I will have front-row seats to:

Shoot 'Em Up. Oh, yes, Clive Owen will be there. Expect to not hear from me for a while, as I will be locked up for jumping on him.

Kevin Smith.

The Simpsons.

Heroes: whole cast, creators, preview of next season.

And if Mike wants to, I will even endure the Smallville panel.

Help Me Out

Is this Zac Efron punk supposed to be hot? Girls really like him? Honestly? He looks trifling, and the tan is making me gag. What's the deal with this kid?

Elisha Is Officially Gorgeous Again!

Yay!

God Strike Me Down

This is the ugliest kid ever. He has a mustache!!!

Just a Nice Random Video

Campaign for a Better Inferno

It's time to focus on real issues. We need a better Inferno next time. This one started off strong, with a huge fight and ejection, but then there just wasn't any drama. And Cara and Susie's ditzy whining doesn't count. What's the problem here? Are these people MATURING?! Tonya made it til the end, but hasn't done anything worthwhile since like Episode 3.

Nice editing to make it look closer than it was. In close up shots, the teams were neck and neck. In the few long shots, the blue team was so far behind. Do better next time, MTV!

Ugliest Baby Contest

Nicole Richie and Christina Aguilera are pregnant, and probably due around the same time. The question is which one will produce the ugliest baby? On one hand you have a genetic disaster of a father. On the other hand you have a skeleton who does drugs. YOU DECIDE!

New Simpsons Trailer

This is a Long Distance Dedication to Karen. This one is funnier than the first trailer. Can't beat Ralphie and Spider Pig.

Do You Have the Guts?

I DARE somebody to go see License to Wed. I knew it was going to be horrible from the trailer. Wait. I knew it was going to be horrible the moment I saw Robin Williams was in it. Mandy Moore deserves better.