24

Another hockey/24 doubleheader. Awesome.

A. GO CAPS! GAME SEVENNNNNN!

B. 24. Don't break my heart tonight, please.

Washington Central Station is the target. Since there's no such thing, I'll just assume it's Union Station, since they put it on the Red Line. And even though they have made-up station names, a lot of the Metro signage is accurate. So I'll give them that one.

The injured member of Tony's gang - and by injured I mean "bleeding profusely from the neck" - is forced to call Tony so they can trace the call. Guess how Jack gets him to cooperate? If you guessed, "By withholding morphine," you win! Chloe determines Tony's in Adams Morgan, which is the trendy, gay area of town. Nice.

Chloe and Janeane Garofalo bitch at each other a lot (catfight!), but you know they'll be BFFs when this is done, sharing new protocols, swapping hacking methods, and bitching about everyone they work with.

Jack and Renee crash into Tony's vehicle and Jack chokes him out. Even calls him a piece of crap, because Jack likes to kick a man when he's down. Jack punches the crap out of Tony's face and then cries about Tony betraying him. Problem is, neither man has anything left to lose, so Jack's threats are empty. They determine the location of the weapon and Jack leaves Tony to be head-butted another day.

Jack talks to Framed Random Brown Guy and he finds the weapon on the train, with 1 minute left until it goes off. Conveniently, everyone gets off at Washington Central Station, and no one gets on. Right. Anyway, Random Brown Guy runs off of the train and gets the weapon to Jack, who throws it into a containment unit with 1 second to spare. Crisis averted, right? No.

Next crisis: Kim's flight is delayed. Really? A flight that early in the morning is delayed? This show is so full of it. :) Kim spots a suspicious-looking guy in the airport, and I groan. Kim in trouble again!?

I'm calling it now: the shady dude at the airport gets Kim in order to get her stem cells or whatever-the-hell-Jack needs so that his organization can save Jack and grow him into a super soldier.

Well, I called it wrong. Shady Dude is there at Jack's request, watching to make sure his baby gets home safely. Aw, Jack. How sweet. I'll hold out for that super soldier idea though. Because then another dude attacks and kills Not-Really-Shady Dude. Oops.

Jack takes Tony into custody, knowing he'll be the target of the Big Bad Secret Organization. And then I realize the dude after Kim at the airport works for them and wants to exchange Kim for Tony. Sure enough, they contact Jack and put Kim up on the webcam, sitting innocently at the airport. Most boring webcam ever. BUT HOW DID THEY KNOW TO FOLLOW HER!? I mean, really, Contingency Plan No. 57,480 in full effect.

In other news, it turns out that Olivia's hired gun middleman told the hired gun that Olivia was "good for it" and authorized the killing of Jon Voight! And now she has to pay up! And there's a Justice Department investigation. HAHA! I like watching this girl crap her pants.

Aaron knows there's a voice-activated recording system in the Chief of Staff's office (terribly convenient) and calls the former Chief of Staff to ask him to come and... I don't know... erase it or publicize it? Either way, Olivia hits the "Execute" button and pays the assassin. She's in deep doo-doo.

Next week: Two-hour finale! Tony turns the tables on Jack... and turns him into a super soldier!!