Lost: Season Finale

A. Thanks for the memories, Caps. Next time, maybe some defense.

B. Two freaking hours of Lost. This is going to exhaust me mentally, isn't it?

The show opens with a dude using a loom and a fire, with the Black Rock sailing ship in the background and the giant statue intact. Ye Olden Times, I presume, and the man turns out to be Jacob.

We see Jacob as he intersects in the lives of most everyone on the Island. Young Kate tries to shoplift a New Kids on the Block lunch box, but Jacob shows up and pays for it. Jacob also visits Young Sawyer at his parents' funeral, is with Sayid when Nadia is hit by a car and killed, asks Ilana to do something for him (while she's in the hospital with her face bandaged), brings Locke back to life after he falls out of the window, is a guest at Jin and Sun's wedding, offers a candy bar to Jack, shares a cab with Hurley. In each of the scenarios, he gives the people words of wisdom, or the bit of encouragement they needed. It's like he was in their lives at a turning point, and he influenced them to go one way or the other.

Sawyer, Juliet, and Kate escape the sub in order to stop Jack from setting off the bomb. When they arrive on the Island, Vincent the dog greets them. And Rose and Bernard are there too! It's been 3 years and they're still there, living in peaceful, hippie retirement.

Sayid and Jack dismantle the nuclear bomb to remove the core so they can transport it to the Swan station site and blow it the eff up. As they walk through the Dharma village, Ben's dad sees them and shoots Sayid in the gut! Luckily Hurley, Jin, and Miles show up in a van and drive them away.

They are stopped along the way by a roadblock composed of Sawyer, Juliet, and Kate. Sawyer and Jack have a huge-ass fight until Juliet breaks them up, saying that Jack's right (OF COURSE HE IS). She's really only saying this out of jealousy. Why must everyone always be pining for Kate? Sawyer and Juliet are awesome together and Jack and Kate deserve each other's misery; just let things be. Anyway, since Sawyer is evidently pussy-whipped, he lets Jack do what he wants.

Jack takes the bomb to the site just as the drill is reaching the pocket of whatever-the-hell. That's when Miles says to everyone else, "Have you ever considered that maybe the nuclear bomb is the incident, not the drilling? So maybe the best thing to do is nothing?" Point for the Asian.

Jack shoots his way into the drilling site, as the rest of his cavalry comes driving in to provide him with cover. Jack drops the bomb down the shaft but nothing happens. Then everything metallic starts to get sucked down into the shaft, as clearly the electromagnetic whatchamacallit has been unleashed. Phil dies rather nicely, with some rebar to the chest. Juliet gets tangled up in chains and sucked down, despite Sawyer's efforts to hold onto her. So sad. I loved Sawyer and Juliet together. BOO!

Locke leads his people along the beach to find Jacob. They end up at the base of the giant statue, which is of course now just a foot. Jacob lives there. He's the Old Woman in a Shoe. Locke's all, "Come on, Ben, time for you to kill Jacob."

The other group of randoms from the latest crash (including Ilana and The Pilot) take a large cargo box to Jacob's cabin. When she finds the cabin empty, Ilana has her pals torch it, and they walk to the giant foot statue. She exchanges code words with Richard and tells him she has something to show him. WHAT'S IN THE BOX!? Locke's dead body. That's what I figured.

So who or what is the guy in the statue with Ben? Whoever he is, that guy and Ben find Jacob. Ben bitches at Jacob, all jealous that Locke gets to him immediately while Ben never got the chance to meet him. "What about me? Waaaah." Then Ben stabs him a few times. "They're coming," Jacob tells Locke before Locke pushes him into a fire, burning his ass to death.

Juliet's at the bottom of the shaft, and barely alive. She sees the bomb and whacks it a few times, finally detonating it.

The End. I mean, whuuuuuuuuuuuuuut? This was a good ass season finale. See you in 2010 for the final season!