I'm Still Obsessed With Britney

I really love these glasses!!! But the best part is that she turned her kid into a "pumpkin-pie-haircutted freak"!!!!

The Official Perfume of Baloney & Cereal

"It smells like vagina in here."

"Don't Get My Hopes Up" Moment of the Week

From Buddy TV; and there's a press release to back it up, people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The 24 producers know that season 7 cannot, under any circumstances, be a disappointment. If the beloved franchise drops the ball on a second season in a row, then the show may as well pack up and go home. With that in mind, it looks as if FOX and the 24 team are pulling out all the stops in preparation for next season. Throughout the summer, casting news has permeated the 24 landscape and today comes the biggest announcement yet. If you don't enjoy being spoiled, read no further. Really, this news is going to ruin a big early season surprise on 24.

Tony Almeida is back! That's right, the man who we all assumed was dead is returning at the beginning of season 7 to surprise both fans and Jack Bauer alike. Carlos Bernard, who plays Mr. Almeida, has always been a fan favorite and the 24 producers have occasionally grumbled about how they handled his supposed send-off.

Here's confirmation from an official FOX press release regarding 24's January 13-14 two night premiere: "With CTU dismantled, the show's setting moves to Washington, D.C., where Jack Bauer faces trial for his actions in the pursuit of justice. Bauer's day gets off to a shocking start when former colleague Tony Almeida (played by Carlos Bernard), last seen in Day 5, returns after being left for dead by a terrorist conspirator in CTU's infirmary."

It had been speculated that Almeida would make a surprise appearance in the waning moments of season 6, and apparently the producers kept that option open, but it was ultimately scrapped for what turned out to be a largely unsatisfying season finale. The decision to bring Tony back into the fold early in season 7 is a darn good way of appeasing loyal fans turned off by the events of season 6.

Tony Almeida lives!

Aaaaaand I'm back as a 24 viewer. That was easy.

Embarrassing Admission of the Week

I am loving Britney's glasses! (Of course I choose the pic of her eating ice cream. LOL.)

Big Brother 8 Finale: The Best of Two Bad Possible Outcomes

The main reason that I'm glad Dick won is that now that C can't say she did. And I KNOW that deep down inside this is going to bug Daniele. She'll be upset that America didn't like her, she'll say she looks fat after gaining the much-needed weight during the show, and then she'll kill herself. Which is really the best of all possible outcomes. Yay suicide!!

I love how Amber (in that fabulous hair and dress on the live show, BTW) called Daniele out for cheating on her boyfriend - no way out of that one! Yay Amber! Dick said Eric was the best player and allegedly felt bad for betraying Eric and Jessica. Yay Dick!

I love how after D&D plead their case to the Jury, Daniele got upset with Dick for something. I couldn't figure out what it was, and I didn't want to be bothered to rewind it and figure it out. I'll bet she was pissed because he didn't say "Just vote for Daniele," which definitely took me by surprise.

I like how they revealed the America's Player angle. They put together a nice package to explain it. I was worried it wouldn't sink in on these dolts, but they really spelled it out for them. Eric handled that well. The one thing about it that I didn't like was that they never said that Eric got cash for it. That would burn Daniele up too - he almost got as much money as she did!

It must be hard for these people to get back to real life after being out of touch for so long. I know that I hate it when I go away for the weekend and then I have to catch up on all my celebrity blogs. Dagger! Well, thanks to Kim and Ashley for making me watch this crap all summer long. Yeah, that's right, I don't have a will of my own. I blame YOU!

Fug of the Week

Sharon Stone debuts new face; uses dress to clean up a miscarriage.

Prison Break Was Crap -- Or Was It?

I thought that last night's premiere was crap crap crap crap, but then I just read a review that said it was great set-up for the season. Maybe it was pretty good set-up, but I wasn't entertained. There's nothing worse than sitting through an episode of Prison Break with nothing to get excited about....

The show is more of a damn cartoon than normal. Bellick in his underwear drinking from a puddle and cleaning toilets; dudes peeing themselves; and this laying-down-the-gauntlet chicken-foot business.

I like how Sona is a lawless, guard-less prison, and yet there are visitation procedures. And Michael is still making origami and wearing hoodies when everyone else is burning hot - guess we won't be seeing that tattoo this year. Everyone is dirty and sweaty and eeeeewwwwwww.

Lincoln was magically exonerated, L.J. (who I thought was in hiding) just happens to run into Sara in Panama and then they are both kidnapped by the Conspiracy People. Plot for Season 3: Michael has to break a Conspiracy Person out of the prison in order to save L.J. and Sara.

Mahone kicked major ass - "go for the kneecaps" and then stepping in and killing the dude when Pussy Scofield couldn't do it.

I'm essentially holding on for Mahone at this point, and the hope that it'll get better. Last season ended up being great, so I'll hang in.

B&C League Report: Week 2

Congratulations to this week's winners:
Sex Panther, McLovin, Peterskin, ManBearPig, and Hot Mama.

And go Eagles! E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!

Good Luck Tonight, Redskins!

This picture is hella old (my Assistant Editor just sent it to me), but it's a great one!

I Am No Longer The Greatest Aunt

Note to self: put on to-do list in 10 years....

DONORA, Pa. -- A Donora woman is accused of hiring two prostitutes to expose themselves to her 12-year-old nephew.

Linda Van Pool, 36, faces a number of charges. Police said she took money from the boy's mother to help find women who would show the boy their naked breasts. Two women apparently agreed.

The aunt is charged in the case but the mother is not.

Fantasy Football is Only a Little Less Fun When You Lose

In the Battle to Save My Marriage, Wide Stance was defeated by Sex Panther. Good thing Mike's in California for the next few days; I don't have to pout and he doesn't have to gloat.

McLovin is ahead of MacNCheese, with her hopes resting on McNabb to make up the 18 points.

In the Battle of the Joshes, Peterskin blew me out of the water with a season-high 135 thanks to Carson Palmer and that crazy Cleveland/Cincinnati game. Ron Mexico has to make up 68 points tonight to beat him. Good luck with that.

In the Squeakers of the Week, ManBearPig and HotMama were victorious over KMo and Grillz.

Live Blogging the Emmys

8:00 If it's worthwhile, I'll make my comments tonight. First up: Hayden has been swallowed by a dress! This is a thumbs-down for me, unfortunately. And she usually looks so good.

8:50 What I've learned so far: Jeremy Piven has the greatest hair plugs known to man (not at all!) and Katherine Heigl is full of herself, obsessing over the mispronunciation of her name. You stink.

I'm all for Terry O'Quinn and Jaime Pressly winning - yay! I like how the stage is in the round; it's been cool so far.

Paul Abdul drug jokes: 1.

As always, my favorite part of the Emmys is the little video packages the comedy shows put on for their writing nominations. This year, The Colbert Report featured the writers assaulting Stephen Colbert; Alberto Gonzalez said "I don't recall" each Daily Show writers' name; Conan O'Brien loaded day laborers into a truck; David Letterman featured George W. Bush bloopers; and Bill Maher's writers were foot-tapping and hooking up in the men's room.

9:08 In poor taste to have the cast of Roots come out of a cage? Methinks yes.

10:07 Nothing exciting in the last hour. Everyone loves Al Gore. An Oscar, an Emmy, who needs the Presidency?

10:40 Great segment with Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. Ricky Gervais won for Best Actor, but since he wasn't available, they said they were going to give it to their friend Steve Carell. So Steve came up on stage and they were all jumping around and hugging. LOL.

11:03 I was about to give up all hope when James Spader won for Best Actor, but then 30 Rock won for Best Comedy!

Thank you and good night.

This Weekend's Theme: Royalty

First, we finally got The Queen off of our DVR. It was a really good movie. It's an interesting look at the aftermath of Princess Diana's death, specifically the dealings between Tony Blair and the Queen. I was worried it would be dull, but it wasn't - it was really fascinating. Definitely worth checking out.

We caught a sneak preview of The Kingdom and it was excellent. Yes, that's right, excellent in bold. And this was in spite of the fact that it stars probably the two most vile, despicable men on the planet - Jamie Foxx and Jeremy Piven. Unfortunately - spoiler alert - Piven doesn't get beheaded. Luckily, they are balanced out by Chris Cooper, Jennifer Garner, and Jason Bateman (WTF?). And actually Jamie Foxx was completely tolerable. (I bet that phrase doesn't appear in any other review of the movie. But that's a glowing review from me - "completely tolerable".)

An interesting plot leads to the most incredible, incredible, incredible action sequence - car chases, car crashes, explosions, gunfire, hand-to-hand combat, more gunfire. Really an amazing sequence that had the audience cheering. The director had an interesting way of showing both sides of the conflict - things would happen to both sides at the same time. There was also plenty of comic relief so that it wasn't a total downer. It's just really good and a must-see film.

Big Brother Is So F-ing Fake

So I just heard that Daniele and Dick applied to be on The Amazing Race together and admitted on the feeds this week that they knew each other was going to be in the Big Brother house before they entered.

MORE REASONS TO HATE THIS SHOW!!

God I Hate Big Brother

Look at the positive: it's less than a week until we NEVER have to hear from the Donatos again!

Tragically, Dick won Head of Household. Ugh. Do you know how easily the producers could have fixed that competition? They could have recorded the evicted houseguests saying both answers and then only showed the one that matched Dick. I was yelling at Zach on that last question because the answer was clear (Who does Jessica think had the best strategy?) and he could have tied it up. He left the house as stupid as when he arrived.

I'm glad they showed that bitch Daniele telling her Dad to trash-talk Zach during the endurance competition. I'm so sick of her having Dick do her dirty work. She really needed him in this game to make herself look better and to break people down. I also relished watching her violently shiver during the competition. OF COURSE the producers painted Dick as some kind of f-ing hero when he was enduring the rain for his daughter. They even played f-ing patriotic movie music in the background when he gave up!!! UGH.

I don't think Daniele really loves her dad - she just says it to manipulate him. Pretty funny how after he wins HoH, she still gives him a hard time for getting one of the questions wrong. And she never really gives a straight answer as to whether they will be reconciled outside of the house.

Now the only thing to look forward to for the finale is maybe the jury will vote for Dick to win on purpose because he'll want them to vote for Daniele.

On a positive (and sexy) note, from what Dustin said, it sounds like Eric is killing it in the jury house. Niiiiice.

I'm Picking the Best New Show Early

Before I've even seen any of the new Fall shows, I'm going to go with Journeyman as my new go-to. I'm just getting a vibe. Also, most everything else looks like crap.

Sure, it sounds like Quantum Leap. But was Quantum Leap really that bad? (Don't answer that!) Here's the synopsis:

Dan Vassar is a reporter with a beautiful wife, Katie, an adoring son, and an exploding career. Suddenly he finds himself traveling in time involuntarily and soon figures out that he must resolve problems for the people that he meets. Amongst those he runs into in the past is his deceased fiancee Livia. He struggles with the choice of being able to save her, but bigger twists await.

I think the difference-maker here is going to be this lead actor, Kevin McKidd. I don't know him from Adam, but Mike is hella obsessed with him because he's "my boy from Rome." I can tell watching the commercials that he's good and he's going to bring a nice realism and seriousness to this plot. I'm all over Journeyman, which is B&C's pick for Best New Show. When it blows up, you heard it here first.

Best Night of Television remains with Monday, since we will have Prison Break, Chuck, Heroes, AND Journeyman. Not to mention the obligatory 24 in January. Thank god for DVRs....

Making My Peace With Big Brother

Why do Dick and Daniele have to act like children? You're nominated - accept it. Jesus. They had to whine on and on (Daniele) and berate Zach (Dick).

Halfway through the show I just convinced myself to accept that D&D were going to win the Power of Veto and that Jameka was going home. Daniele did indeed win. Now I want Zach to win the whole thing just to spite D&D, since they're so convinced he could never win.

We finally see the Jury House and Jen looked miserable, LOL. Eric and Jessica continued the hug they had broken a few hours before. I hope Eric's getting some.

I'm going online to find out the status of the 3-part Head of Household competition. I'd rather know these things in advance so that I don't get so worked up during the show. I won't reveal the results here, but apparently Dick was harassing Zach a lot last night during the competition - surprise, I know.

Boo

As I eagerly await this Monday's third season premiere of Prison Break, I now have one less thing to look forward to.

From TV Guide: "The Ausiello Report has just learned that after giving birth, Sarah Wayne Callies is not returning to Prison Break after all. Shocking, right? Especially given the way the actress' manager has been insisting for weeks that her client would be back. We already knew that Callies was MIA from the opening credits in the first two episodes and that, for the one scene in which Dr. Sara appeared, a body double was used. But nonetheless, trusting souls that we are, we believed the mom-to-be still had a job. Well, no more. There's a story here, and you're gonna get it."

It was nice to have a hot, cool chick on a show so teeming with testosterone. Dagger! I can't imagine what lame-ass reason they're going to give for Dr. Sara not being around. At the end of last season she was wandering off in the streets of Panama.

How Does One Become a Tailgating Expert?

Baltimore, a city esteemed for its crab houses, Inner Harbor, and home of one of the NFL’s most rugged defenses {editor's note: don't forget the STDs!}, now has another claim to fame: it’s the best football tailgating city in the United States. Runners-up were Denver, Houston, San Diego and Cincinnati.

After analyzing a host of criteria, including stadium parking lots, overall tailgating environment, tailgating-fan enthusiasm and the sales of tailgating accessories like in-car live TV systems and mobile programming, an alliance of tailgating experts has released for the first time the America’s Best Football Tailgating Cities Index, a ranking of the "tailgating-friendliness" of the 31 U.S. cities with an NFL team plus NFL-hopeful Los Angeles.

Woo-hoo! Baltimore is definitely a great place to tailgate! Not that I've done it, but those lines for the port-a-potties sure do look long!

Baloney & Cereal League Report

Congratulations to this week's winners: Wide Stance (by a landslide and record score of 132!), Sex Panther (bit of a squeaker!), KMo, McLovin, and ManBearPig.

It was definitely fun watching my first games as a Fantasy owner. Someone would score and I'd scream, "Those are my points!" Too bad the Ravens let me down last night. It was a freaking roller coaster. 6 turnovers (3 in like the first 10 minutes), a great Ed Reed return for touchdown, up and down, up and down. It was stressful -- I love the NFL!

Nicely played everyone - see you next week!!

Fantasy Football Report

The Wide Stance is setting the bar high so far. I've got 90 points and half my team is from Baltimore and hasn't played yet. Anyone want some side action on whether they can beat my high score this year?

Hot Mama and Sex Panther were pretty evenly matched, with both having a few players tonight.

KMo is kicking Ron Mexico's herpes-laden ass 75 to 23, but Ron has high hopes for Gore, Fitzgerald, and Graham to turn it around tonight.

Peterskin's got his hopes resting on Carson Palmer to beat the nerd from Superbad -- let's hope the Baltimore D doesn't break his leg or something. Heap can help him too.

MacNCheese is only beating ManBearPig by 3 - but the Pig should get a boost from ol' Ocho Cinco tonight.

Fantasy Football is so much fun.... while I'm winning!

Couldn't Resist

She's bringing sexy back.

Remind Me Never to Get This Haircut

Geez Louise, these chicks look old. Paris has aged 30 years. And I couldn't figure out who the other one was until I read the caption saying it was Nelly Furtado. WTF happened to them??

Big Brother and Big Britney Make My Blood Boil

Throughout tonight's Big Brother, I had one question for myself: Who do I hate more? Jameka's the only one left that I like, but who do I hate the most of the other three? Zach for being ugly, gloating, and deciding a week late to make a play for the Donatos? Danielle for whining and saying "this sucks" 85 times? Or Dick for targeting Jameka and spitting? And the winner is....

DANIELLE!!!! I have decided I hate this C most of all. When she doesn't get her way she whines; when she's on top she gloats. She's evil. She can break her alliance because it's a strategic move, but if anyone else did it she'd call them dishonest and whine and mope about it.

Zach wins Head of Household and nominates Dick and Daniele for eviction. And they take the news like the smug pricks they are, laughing and threatening Zach. I WANT DANIELE DEAD!!!! Problem is, it all comes down to the Power of Veto competition. Zach or Jameka have to win, or else one of the Donatos will be the one to evict a non-Donato. THIS SHOW MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!!

I switched over to watch Britney Spears "perform" and open the MTV Music Awards (I'll watch the rest of that show tomorrow if I hear it's worth it). Her performance was unbelievably unentertaining!! It was quite funny actually. She still has a bad weave and bad blue contact lenses. Her gut was hanging out. Of course she was lip syncing, but she wasn't even dancing. It was lazy dancing. Like she was dancing at half-speed. I could have done a better job, I swear. She was just standing there, kind of shifting back and forth, and she'd raise her arms halfway. Honestly, it was like she was dancing underwater. And she looked so bored - I thought cocaine gave you energy?! Loved watching the trainwreck; wish it had been better. What happened to all the Criss Angel magic stuff she was supposed to do? Whatever. This bitch is DONE.

Battle of the Candies

This weekend two candies competed for my love and affection. Which would be victorious?

On one hand there were the Limited Edition Razzberry M&Ms. On the other, Cherry Cordial Hershey's Kisses.

I'm gonna have to give it to the Kisses. But you really can't go wrong with either.

Keep making new candy to make me fat!!

Shoot 'Em Up

If you don't enjoy Shoot 'Em Up, you don't have a pulse. Simple as that.

Shoot 'Em Up is a great movie for people that liked The Bourne Ultimatum but thought it had too many big words. The characters speak in corny one-liners and cliches. But who cares about the dialogue when you have guns, fights, guns, outlandish violence, guns, and a lactating hooker. Oh yeah, and Clive Owen. Do they make them any sexier than Clive Owen? I'm gonna go with "no."

This is a great, fun, crazy film. Between this and 3:10 to Yuma there were 2 awesome movies this weekend - hope you got to see at least one of them.

Holy Crap!

After months of not-so-coy will-he-or-won't-he political flirtation, Fred Thompson has finally and officially announced that he is a candidate for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination.

"I am running for president of the United States," he said during a taping of NBC's The Tonight Show with Jay Leno Wednesday evening.

The real news here is that this chick would be our First Lady. Classy!

Further Big Brother Speculation

Do you think Eric will give Jessica half of the $40k he earned as America's Player? I think he should and he will.

1. He couldn't have accomplished the voting tasks without her help and trust.
2. He lurves her, and is a nice guy who wants to prove he wasn't playing her.
3. He always wanted to be on the show and that, coupled with $20k, would be enough for him.
4. He'd love the dramatic-reality-show-moment aspect of giving her the money.

Whaddaya think?

Big Brother Makes Me So Bitter

I can think of a million different ways that this show would have been better. Believe me, I was kneeling on my floor, praying to the television, running through all the scenarios. Poor Jessica. Sure, she was a big-time waffler, but she didn't deserve to get the boot. Once they knew there was going to be a double eviction, Dick and Daniele should have kept to their alliance with Jessica and Eric so that they would look good going into the Final Two.

Eric was thisclose to winning the Head of Household. Goddammit, Dick did.

Really I guess I'm bitter at Zach. If he had any BALLS he would have used the Power of Veto. If he had saved Eric or Jameka, that would have forced Dick to put up Daniele. Then they could have voted out Daniele. And Dick can't compete for HoH. So it would be everyone against Dick. Zach had a real opportunity to make a good play, but surprise surprise he "made an oath" and stupidly stuck with it. So Eric gets evicted, and at least gets $40k and the opportunity to bone Jessica without cameras around. I HOPE JAMEKA KICKS EVERYONE'S ASSES BADLY!!!!!!!!!!

On a lighter note, does Julie wear body glitter on The Early Show? She's a freaking glorified Jersey stripper.

Watch Out for the Wide Stance

Fantasy Football season for the Baloney & Cereal League starts today!!!! Go Team Wide Stance! Senator Craig is our biggest fan.

Boo

The Office’s Jenna Fischer has officially announced her separation from filmmaker husband James Gunn after more than six years of marriage.

Frowny face.

Big Brother Strategizing

OK, so Jameka and Jessica remain on the block after Daniele didn't exercise the Power of Veto. If Dick and Daniele decide to vote out Jessica, that's probably the smart thing to do. That leaves them to compete with Eric for Head of Household, and god knows Eric can't win dick. So they could nominate some combination of Eric, Jameka, and Zach. I can totally see Dick and Daniele as the Final Two. I hope it doesn't happen, but I can see it. If they decide to remain loyal to their alliance, then - wow. That will amaze me, since it's probably not to their strategic advantage.

Note to self: never walk through the Big Brother backyard barefoot. The segment with Eric and Dick blowing snot rockets and spitting had me literally walking around the room gagging.

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt to Get Some Competition

Halle Berry is expecting her first child.

"Yes, I am three months pregnant," the Oscar winner told Access Hollywood on Tuesday. "Gabriel and I are beyond excited and I've waited a long time for this moment in my life."

Berry, 41, and her boyfriend, 32-year-old model Gabriel Aubry, met shooting a Versace ad in Los Angeles in November 2005 and first stepped out publicly three months later at the February opening of a Versace boutique in New York City.

THIS might be the most beautiful baby on the planet.

Happy Sober Anniversary

Today is my one-year anniversary of "sobriety."
Well, my version of sobriety anyway. Can you toast your sobriety with a glass of wine? Why not. I haven't had any liquor in one whole year! At most I've had 2 beers or 2 glasses of wine. Nothing like the Nightmare of Labor Day 2006. I'm quite proud of myself, thank you very much.

Big Brother After Dark

This weekend we took the plunge and DVR'd the midnight-3AM Showtime Too shows every night. As long as you don't have a life, I recommend it. We definitely fast forwarded through some of it (they just played Quarters for an hour), but I find it really fascinating and addicting. Basically you watch them cook food, eat, lay in bed, work through every conceivable combination of events, rehash competitions, and complain about being bored. I love it in spite of the lack of Zach penis on the shows I watched. I'm also easily influenced by the show. They eat a lot of tortillas and then I go make them. They eat chocolate chip cookies and I crave them. I walk around my house for a while wondering what it would look like if my life were televised.

Dick eats the most of all. The first night we watched it, he ate a grilled cheese (with mayo on it!!), reheated fried cheese, a baked potato with some kind of meat, a cookie, Twizzlers, Coke, and a Frappuccino. Did I mention he chews everything with his mouth open? That shouldn't be a shock.

Zach won the long, excruciating Head of Household competition. I saw the aftermath on Showtime where everyone complained about being sore. They gave up hot water for 8 days. They're not looking any greasier, so they must be capable of taking cold showers. I tried a cold shower once. It lasted 15 seconds; I found it impossible.

I know who won the Power of Veto but they haven't had the use-it-or-don't ceremony yet. Jameka and Jessica are nominated. And there's supposed to be a double eviction this week I think. I don't know if that means both nominees leave or if one leaves and then they hold a quick competition and boot another person. We'll see....

3:10 to Yuma

Last night we caught the sneak preview of 3:10 to Yuma. I generally don't see Westerns. (As a general rule, I don't like any movies that take place in Ye Olden Days.) People are dirty, they have bad teeth, they ride around on horses, everything is dusty, it's hot and desert-y. But I can't pass up any movie starring both Russell Crowe AND Christian Bale. It was a great movie. The performances are great and the story is interesting. (Even though everyone IS dirty.) Ben Foster was a genuine bad ass in this movie. He was really scary! The only thing I know him from before was as Angel in X-Men 3, but here he is one scary dude. You know he's good when he stands out in a movie with 2 powerhouse actors.

If you like Westerns, you'll love this movie. And if you just appreciate some good acting by dirty people, you'll enjoy it too.

Catholics: 1; Heathens: 0.

The first Apprentice winner Bill Rancic married E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi on Saturday on the Italian island of Capri. Rancic, 36, and the Napoli-born DePandi, 32, exchanged vows at the end of a church aisle strewn with white rose petals and dotted with white candles.

The couple, who got engaged last December, had a traditional Catholic ceremony, in both Italian and English, delivered by Rancic's family priest from his childhood growing up in the Chicago area. "This is the real deal," says Rancic, who has attended church every Sunday with DePandi since the two became serious, "so we wanted a very old school, full Catholic mass."

Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have split after three years together, a source confirms to PEOPLE. The source says the split was amicable. The pair, who welcomed daughter Matilda in October 2005, met while they were filming Brokeback Mountain in 2004.

Quick Question

Fergie's definitely a dude, right?

(Sorry for the 2 vomit-inducing photos. Hope you skipped lunch.)

Big Brother: God Loves Us More Than He Loves Amber

OHTHANKGODAMBERISGONE!!! She went all-out with the begging to stay, and it made me ill. "I'm gonna try not to cry" - and then she started to cry on the word "cry"!!!! I feel bad for Jameka, but not for Amber. Hey, don't people usually get dressed up for evictions? Amber looked the worst she's ever looked. What does the future hold for Amber? "Inspirational speaker or nursing school." What happened to being a supermodel? Goodbye to the dumbest person I've seen on TV in a while. Can't wait for a few weeks from now when she finds out how much America despises her dumb ass.

Eric has now accomplished 18 out of 24 of America's tasks, and has made $30,000. Not too shabby. It was freaky how much Eric's brothers talk just like Eric. Same intonation and cadence, less-wild eyebrows.

The Head of Household competition wasn't going to end for a while. I recorded the Showtime show to find out who won; I'm going to try to avoid it online today. I bet Zach wins. Next week: double live eviction! Oooooooo!

The Official Doll of Baloney & Cereal

He's in the perfect stance and everything!

Latest Washington Scandal Makes Me Giddy

Senator Larry Craig, a Republican (naturally!), pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct after an incident in an airport restroom. An officer was conducting a sting operation, as the bathroom had been used for "lewd conduct", which makes it like every rest stop in America I guess.

According to the police report, once in the stall, after having made eye contact with the undercover officer through the crack in the door, Craig tapped his right foot. "I recognized this as a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct…. The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot which was within my stall area." Craig also made some hand movements between the stalls. (Craig said in his defense that he has a "wide stance" when going to the bathroom. Yeah, that’s pretty damn wide. Also, he was reaching down to pick up a piece of paper. The officer notes that "there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper.") LOL, officer.

After identifying himself as a police officer and going to speak with Craig in private, "Craig handed me a business card that identified himself as a United States Senator as he stated, 'What do you think about that?'."

"Let me be clear: I am not gay and never have been," said Craig, who has aligned himself with conservative groups who oppose gay rights. He has supported a federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. Craig also has opposed expanding the federal hate crimes law to cover offenses motivated by anti-gay bias and, in 1996, voted against a bill that would have outlawed employment discrimination based on sexual orientation.

I’m not saying he’s gay – I’m just saying he wanted a handy in a men’s restroom.

Welcome to the Church of Big Brother

Last night, Amber taught me not to doubt God because it makes Him upset. Also, you should always have prayer sessions in the Diary Room in front of cameras. The Big Brother editors taught me that Gregorian chant soundtrack = someone's praying in the HOH Chapel. This time it was Jameka, whose prayers seem exhausting.

It was rrrreeeeaaaalllllyyyyy uncomfortable watching Eric put the moves on Jess. Too funny how he went for the mouthwash every time he planned to kiss her. But he was successful! Get some standards, Jess!

I was so happy when Amber lost the Veto competition that I actually applauded. "I feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die." YES PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! Amber crying count: 3, including once in the Power of 10 clip.

Eric wins the Veto and decides not to use it. PLEASE GO HOME AMBER!!! I think he should reach out to Zach, tell him they will all vote Amber out, and then have him on their side to make a move on Dick and Daniele. It's really getting too close now and that alliance has to be split up soon.

The Most Fun You Can Have in 16.5 Hours

Season One of Heroes is out today on DVD. You have until September 24 to catch up!

I Guess This Would Drive You to Suicide

Musical Chairs in the Bush Administration

Embattled U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has resigned, senior administration officials told CNN Monday.

Alberto Gonzales was dogged by controversial issues including wiretapping programs and fired U.S. attorneys. President Bush is expected to make a statement about Gonzales at 11:50 a.m. from his ranch in Crawford, Texas, where he has been vacationing.

Gonzales aides at the highest level and other top-level officials knew nothing about the announcement in advance, Justice Department sources indicated to CNN. They were not informed until a meeting this morning, sources said, when Gonzales acknowledged he would be reading a statement at 10:30 a.m. ET.

Bush will likely nominate Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff to the position, senior administration officials said. Chertoff has headed Homeland Security since 2005. He served as a federal appellate court judge, a federal prosecutor and as special counsel for a Senate committee investigating President Clinton's involvement in the Whitewater land development.

Big Brother Apparently Makes You Delusional

How else to explain Amber? The rest of the show was pretty boring (now I miss Jen), but the Amber segments were great.

God bless the editors. Amber says she could be a model (and wants to go on America's Next Top Model). She thinks she has a gorgeous face, great hair, a beautiful body, and a great personality. So they show her with her mouth open, with her lumpy bikini body, and shoveling food into her mouth. LOL, Big Brother. How sad that this woman doesn't realize how many people hate her, and her winning personality.

The last straw with this bitch was her prayer/conversation with God -- in the Diary Room!!!!! Stop talking to God while you're looking directly into a camera!!! She also said "God bless you" - to God. This woman is a lunatic and I want her gone.

Bizarro Story to Start the Week

Owen Wilson’s emergency hospitalization on Sunday was the result of a suicide attempt, The National Enquirer and Star Magazine are exclusively reporting.

Police and an ambulance responded to a 911 call from Wilson’s house in Los Angeles around noon on Sunday.

Wilson has now been transferred from St. John’s to another Los Angeles area hospital. His brothers Andrew and Luke are with him. Andrew found him after the suicide attempt and called an ambulance. Both of Owen’s wrists were slashed superficially and Owen had taken an overdose of pills. Owen was found with a nearly empty bottle of pills next to him. He was at his house in Santa Monica.

Owen is said to be in stable condition at the moment.

Wow, who saw this one coming?

Wanna Make Ten Bucks?

I'll give it to you if you can make sense of this blithering-idiot Miss Teen USA contestant.

Why I Can't See "Resurrecting the Champ"

Because Samuel L. Jackson's character sounds exactly like Tyrone Biggums. "I smoke rocks!"

Random Pop Quiz

On The Cosby Show, Rudy was singing a song with the lyrics, "Baby do it to me all night long." When asked by her father, what did Rudy think "it" was?

Big Brother Loses Some Boobage

I found out yesterday afternoon that Jen had had a freakout during the week. I knew she had destroyed Dick's cigarettes - didn't know she threw them in a trash can with bleach (LOL!). And she ate real food while she was on slop. That's great too! I guess she figured she was going home so was all, F this, I'm eating a bun-less turkey burger with my bare hands! I was giddy with delight when Jen and Dick got in their fight. I was squealing and had to watch it twice. She grabs his cigarette and then tried to say that he's burning her on purpose. Well, yeah, it's hard to avoid burning you when you're grabbing the lit end of the cigarette. I'm surprised that she received a "penalty vote" for breaking the food rule and not for destroying Dick's property. But I guess BB could just replace the cigs. {ETA: They did replace them. Also, apparently the live feeds show her punishment was actually for the destruction of property; it was edited to look like she was punished for breaking the food rule.} She's a psycho, but I will miss her. And her stripper glitter.

I'm sorry, their roots are still bothering me. You could really see Dani's during her Power of 10 segment. And Amber's are horrific because she has that horrible you-know-it's-crunchy curly hair with highlights and now an inch of dark roots sits at the top. I realize Jen's hair got darker, but I have a hard time believing all the girls got touch-ups. It looks like Jessica tried to touch hers up but didn't quite match the color.

In live feed news, Eric has been caught masturbating at least 3 times. He just does it in bed!! Use the shower, toilet, or jack shack, dude!

Reading Comprehension Clearly Not My Thing

In perusing the entertainment news over the past couple of days, I saw several stories about Ryan Seacrest and the Emmys. I didn't realize until just now that the stories were about him hosting the Emmys. This oversight could have been caused by my hatred of Ryan Seacrest preventing me from fully reading the story. Also, I just figured it was about him hosting the pre-show. The actual show??? ICK! What does he have on FOX execs that they keep giving him these jobs?! Like the Super Bowl wasn't bad enough!

Ryan Seacrest may be accustomed to hosting just about everything – from American Idol to his radio show – but the busiest man in show business is nervous about his latest gig as host of the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards.

"I'm scared because it's a room full of actors who probably hate me, " Seacrest said during his KIIS-FM radio show on Wednesday.

But all jitters aside, Seacrest said he is looking forward to his most recent resume builder. "I'm going to have a good time hosting that thing," he added.

Producers are hoping the audience will have a good time as well, and that Seacrest will "serve as a magnet for attracting a diverse array of viewers to our Emmy telecast," according to Dick Askin, chairman and chief executive officer of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences.

The 59th Annual Primetime Emmys will air on FOX Sept. 16.

Deion Sanders is an Idiot

If you’re up for a laugh, read this great commentary on the Mike Vick situation by Neon Deion. Here are some excerpts, with my commentary. Excuse me while I rant for a minute or two.

What a dog means to Vick might be a lot different than what he means to you or I. Hold on, don’t start shaking your head just yet. Listen to me. Some people kiss their dogs on the mouth. Some people let their dogs eat from their plate. Some people dress their dogs in suits more expensive than mine, if you can believe that.

And some people enjoy proving they have the biggest, toughest dog on the street. You’re probably not going to believe this, but I bet Vick loves the dogs that were the biggest and the baddest. {Really? What about the ones that weren’t the baddest – the ones he killed?!} Maybe, he identified with them in some way.

{Is his point that some people don’t love animals that much so then it’s OK if they mistreat them? So I'll take that rationale and extend it to people. Since I don't like people as much as some people do, I should be able to treat them any way I want (gouge their eyes out, murder them, etc.).}

Why are we indicting him? Was he the ringleader? Is he the big fish? ... Was he wrong? Absolutely. Was he stupid? Can’t argue with that. Was he immature? No doubt. But is he the ringleader? I just can’t see it. {And as we all know, in our criminal justice system, if Deion Sanders can’t see it, then it’s not true. Also, stop asking so many damn questions.}

I believe Vick had a passion for dogfighting. {Some people have a passion for cocaine. Hitler had a passion for Aryans. Doesn’t make it legal.} I know many athletes who share his passion. The allure is the intensity and the challenge of a dog fighting to the death. It’s like ultimate fighting, but the dog doesn’t tap out when he knows he can’t win. {Right. The dog DIES, idiot. And that's wrong.}

It reminds me of when I wore a lot of jewelry back in the day because I always wanted to have the biggest chain or the biggest, baddest car. It gives you status. {STATUS? You’re making an analogy between wearing jewelry and fighting dogs??? Really?}

Can I pause for a moment to ask you a question?

Who shot Darrant Williams? Remember the Denver Bronco cornerback? I’m just more concerned about bringing to justice someone who killed a human. {This case has nothing to do with Mike Vick’s case. It’s not like the cops working on the Williams case picked up and moved to Virginia to deal with the Vick situation, you dolt.}

We’re attacking this dogfighting ring the same way a teenager attacks his MySpace page after school (by the way parents, make sure you monitor your kids). {I don’t understand this analogy AT ALL. But thanks for the tip.} We should have the same passion for man that we have for man’s best friend.

How will this end up? I have no idea. All I know is Falcons fans better pray because Vick’s backup is Joey Harrington. Enough said. {Oh, OK, so if the Falcons had a better backup then it would be OK. But since they need Vick, we should let him off the hook.}

God bless and God willing I’ll hollah at you next week. {Die.}

Big Brother: God Is Dead

Score one for the atheists!! Amber said God told her that she would win the POV competition. Either God doesn't exist, or God lied. Either way, that's not good news for the Pope. The mouthbreather must have had a meth flashback.

I want Amber gone (crying count for the night: 5), but tragically Danielle took her off the block and put up Jen instead. Jen started out a pain in the ass, but lately she's just a boring whiner. Danielle wanted Amber to agree not to put her up if Amber wins HOH. But Amber's mouth runs as much as her tear ducts - she basically says she'll do whatever Danielle wants her to do, she'll never nominate Danielle ever, and will even vote out Jameka if that's what Danielle wants. Wow. Amber is a lunatic. And of course she swore -- on her daughter's life.

I love this stage of the show because the roots start showing on all the blondes and they have to find new and creative ways of covering them up. I hope their stylists gave them some touch-up color. Because I'm sick of Danielle's bandannas.

Can't wait to see dumb Amber on The Power of 10. Kudos on the cross-promotion, CBS.

NOW I Find Mandy Moore Hot

It's amazing what dark hair and tattoos will do for a girl.

Heroes and 24 Casting News

Kristen Bell from Veronica Mars is joining Heroes for a multi episode arc.

Bell will make her Heroes debut some time in October. She’ll play Elle, a character described as a sexy, mysterious young lady who has ties to the supposed death of Peter, H.R.G.’s past, and the future of Claire.

I don't know anything about this chick, but I know Houman's a little siced, along with the rest of the nerd universe.

Janeane Garofalo is joining the cast of 24. She will be a regular playing a government agent who is part of the team investigating the crisis befalling Jack Bauer and Co. in the upcoming season.

I thought the producers tried not to go for recognizable actors. They don't get much more recognizable than Janeane Garofalo.

Fulfilling My Constitutional Obligations

I hope you all appreciate what I had to do in order to fulfill my civic duties and serve my jury duty. I had to sit with the dregs of humanity for 11 hours waiting for them to call the number 59.

I got to the courthouse at 7:30 AM. We started with over 700 people, all listening for their number to be called. This is apparently harder than you would imagine. So many degenerates had to be called several times. I don't know how that Clerk deals with these people day in and day out. They couldn't follow simple instructions like, "write down the name of your judge" or "line up here". Ugh.

My number wasn't called until after lunch, at 1:30 PM. I was sent to a courtroom (after an hour wait in a hallway) with probably 40 people. There were 2 cases picking a jury concurrently. The last jury was picked at 6:30 PM, and I wasn't on it. Dagger too because I would have loved the hot teen sex cases. One dude was 24 and had sex with a 16-year-old. The other jacked off in front of a child under 16. That would have been good times.

So I served my time and MISSED MY F-ING FANTASY DRAFT!!!!! I feel so patriotic. Now I have to catch up on all my Hollywood gossip and see what that disaster Britney's been up to. She can get a lot done in 24 hours.

God is Watching Big Brother

Damn! I was all set to keep track of Amber's crying spells, and her tears virtually dry up! She was off to a really strong start with 4 crying episodes in 15 minutes, but then that was it! At least they had that nice montage showcasing her lack of a vocabulary. LOL.

I want a running tally of Eric's winnings as America's Player, because the boy is racking up the successes. I hope Eric has to give his "woobie" to Dick so that Dick goes "WTF?" and throws it in the toilet.

Amber and Jameka are the nominees for eviction. God already told Amber that she's going to win the Power of Veto. I wish Amber could tell me how the show ends up so I can stop watching.

I Am McLovin

OMG, Superbad was absolutely hysterical! I haven't laughed this hard and this continuously since seeing Borat in the theater. If you need a laugh as badly as I did, please go see this film immediately.

The movie may sound like your typical teenage-boys-on-the-quest-for-beer-and-poon tale, but it's by far the best of those movies that I've seen. It's really realistic - the dialogue is natural, you can imagine most of this stuff happening. And most of all, the girls are cool. They are real girls that you can actually see as being attainable by these dudes. And ultimately, it is a love story between the two guys, who couldn't be cuter.

Jonah Hill and Michael Cera are hysterical, of course. And the McLovin storyline is great too. I need to see it again to get some of the lines down. But I know I will at least be using "I'd give my middle nut to..." regularly.

And Now, the Greatest Look Ever Made in the History of Reality Television

Big Dancing Chef

Last night was a jam-packed night of television for me, and I stupidly stayed up late so I could watch all of it.

I've got to say, I was happy with Big Brother. As much as I HATE Dick, this is interesting stuff. Dustin gets evicted instead! (The look on his face was priceless he was so shocked - and then the cameraman stupidly cut away.) And Dick reached out to Eric for a Dick-Danielle-Eric-Jessica alliance. Maybe just in time too, since Danielle got Head of Household. (Note to the chicks: keep wearing tube tops when you're winning HOH and jumping up and down. Do it for Houman.)

Eric is so pissed at America: "Surprise, surprise, it's Dustin!" He has to vote Dustin out, but is such a great manipulator that he convinces Jessica that's the way to go. Not that it takes much skill to manipulate Jessica.

The only thing I'm bitter about is that my girl Jameka is going to end up getting screwed if that alliance holds together. I hope Eric brings her along for a while.

Sabra won So You Think You Can Dance! FACE! She was my girl. I thought the Top 4 ended up ranked just as they should have been: 4) Lacey and her ass; 3) Neil, who finally said hi to his girlfriend, making me jealous; 2) Danny; and 1) SABRA! That 2-hour finale was the Most Entertaining Reality Show Competition Finale of All Time. They had all the great dances from the season re-performed (and my girl Sara was up there a lot). I'm so glad I watched this season. Like Project Runway, these people have actual talent and it's awesome to watch.

It was the episode of Top Chef where the contestants have to open two restaurants. And these restaurants were lame-o. I might not know much, but I know that you don't have scented candles in a restaurant. Jackasses. And I thought a gay guy would have more taste than that crappy decor in The Garage. The other restaurant didn't seem horrible to me, apart from Brian's freaking out and Tre's over-smoked potatoes.

Mike totally called that they were going to call out the teams, send them each back, and then tell them they get a do-over. Mike has the Sixth Sense for Reality Shows. They get to try again and open two more restaurants. Let's hope they learn from their mistakes and that my man Tre just wins this thing already.

See, Howie Really DOES Love the Ladies

Backstreet Boy Howie Dorough and his longtime girlfriend, Leigh Boniello, are engaged, the couple tell PEOPLE exclusively. They plan to marry later this year.

The proposal to his "soulmate" was carefully planned in a matter of days. Dorough says he looked "at least 40 or 50 diamonds" before he prepared his "Will you marry me?" speech while he and an unsuspecting Boniello were on an annual benefit cruise.

Howie knows that the ladies love diamonds and fireplaces.

Alright, I'll See "Wanted"

You had me at Angelina shooting guns on a Viper.

My Hatred for Bear Grylls Knows No Bounds

I've always preferred Survivorman. This fake ass SUCKS!!!

Big Brother: Dick Is An Ass (Surprise!)

Dick is nuts. He woke everyone up by barging into their rooms and banging on a pot and berating them. He is such a prick. He doesn't have to try this hard - people hate you already, dude. Immature ass.

Daniele's big blowout about getting crapped on because of her dad was good. Especially since she was half doing it as strategy.

Jessica is dumb as a box of rocks. Really. Glad to see she's an independent thinker. Not at all! First Jen plants it in her head that Dustin and Dick are working together. Jess is all, "I knew it." Even though that's a load of bull. As if Dustin could be in league with a guy that constantly calls him "Princess." Then she interprets Eric's America-imposed silent treatment as him being in cahoots with Dick and Dustin. She's so off base it's hysterical!!

I already knew that Dick won The Golden Power of Veto (I still HATE that name), so that took the drama out of that last-second win. Dick uses the Power of Veto on Daniele and now it's him against Dustin. This could totally backfire. People are saying that the producers are really involved this year and that they led the houseguests to evict Kail last week. This will be the ultimate test of how much the producers F with the show. If it is up to them, Dick will stay. We'll see if Jess is dumb enough to get people to vote for Dustin.

Also -- Eric. Totally looks like my cousin David. It really creeps me out now that Kim mentioned it.

Monday Night Reality

Lauren and Pasha are out on So You Think You Can Dance. I'm fine with Lauren, even though I think Lacey and her ass should have gone home before her. Pasha isn't a solo dancer.

I love how they went on Lockdown to give the results, like this is the Situation Room. Is Pasha gay, or just Russian? My gaydar is confused with Neil as well. Anyway -- go Sabra!!

As for Hell's Kitchen, unless they bring big sickly Asian Aaron back, I hereby pledge NEVER TO WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN! It's just so shoddily put together. When the show went to commercial before the announcement of the winner, the music made it sound like someone was deciding whether or not to drop a nuke. I was singing DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN all during the break. It was just a lot of build-up and convenient editing for an obvious result. No S Rock won! He was my man.

Dick is a Big Bother

OMG Dick is a NIGHTMARE! I hate Dick most of all for picking on Jameka. When was she ever dishonest? Maybe she was and I missed it. He's a sore f-ing loser.

Do they have to play organ music every time Jameka prays? Let the girl pray - it calms her down so she doesn't haul off on Dick. Amber praying was hysterical though because she was having a loud-ass conversation with God. Does she have to narrate her life out loud?

Danielle and Dick are nominated, so now Dick is on a rampage. Great. He said he'll make the house hell and make all the girls cry. He's awful. I hope they just walk away when he starts berating them.

Back on the Big Brother Bandwagon

After last night Big Brother 8 has been reinstated as a series recording on my DVR. I want Dick to go down and I don't want to miss it.

They didn't show Amber badmouthing Jews (dagger!), but they did show her blowing up at Eric. Eric was a real douchebag when he told Dick he knows something about Amber that he's keeping in his back pocket. But Amber's a bigger douchebag for twice lying to her boyfriend about being pregnant. Amber had a nice confrontation with Eric -- in front of everyone. But it wasn't perfect for 2 reasons: 1) Amber's mouth-breathing puffy-eyed meth face and 2) Eric's goddamned nipple rings.

Dustin gets 10 points this week for lying to Dick's face and saying he voted to evict Eric. Nicely done Dustin!! I would pay money to watch Dick fume all day. I hate his guts. Now Jessica's HOH and it's 5 against 3. (For now.)

Eric would have stayed in the HOH competition if that idiot robot Julie Chen hadn't screwed up by calling him "Nick" (the answer to the question). It's a battle as to who is worse - Julie Chen or Ann Curry. They're like Ron Burgundy - if it's on the teleprompter they will read it.

Wow! She's Only 50?

Holy Crap!

Is Bridget Moynahan giving birth to a triangle? What kind of pregnant belly is this?

I Know They Can Dance

The video quality stinks, and it's probably illegal, but this is why Sabra and Neil need to win this thing!!! They are sick. I'm so glad they were paired together because they were amazing! The final move in the Paso Doble? The way he slow-motion vaulted over her in the Jazz number? SICK I tell you!

Happy Birthday Owen!

I can't believe you're 2! I remember getting the call 2 years ago at work and running to the Metro to drive up to Pennsylvania. You're such a big guy now. Love ya!

Big Brother 8 Report

OK, so I do like the late-night whispery conniving, lying, and backstabbing. After a couple weeks off, I watched the show Sunday and last night.

Jessica's such a typical chick - tell her something and she runs and tattles. It's funny.

I love Jameka. Of course you don't give up your own money to save one of these idiots! Bad enough she had to give up 5 HOH competitions. It was high comedy to have Jameka crying and praying in the corner while Jen walks into frame whining about her bunny suit.

Dick is an a-hole of the highest regard. And not in a good-reality-show-villain way. He's truly mean. And a groveling dick. Going to Jen and apologizing and calling a truce just so she does what he wants. He's so verbally abusive it has to backfire on him eventually.

Was Jen just trying to stir things up when she told Jess that Eric talks S about her? Or does he really? Either way, Jess believed her, then ran and told Dustin and Jameka. They didn't buy it, so Jess changed her mind. At least she thinks for herself!!

I hope Eric can get everyone on his side. It really all comes down to Chipmunk Jess. But would Eric just cover up those nipple rings already? They make me nauseous.

I Knew I Liked Rock

Rahman "Rock" Harper is the Executive Chef at B. Smith's in Union Station.

Hell's Yes! I love that place. No wonder he made fried chicken and crab cakes last night - those are the best things at B. Smith's. Go Rock!

My Burning Hatred for Hell's Kitchen Flares Up

I thought last night was the last f-ing episode. It wasn't until halfway through that I realized they hadn't even started cooking for the final service yet. OMG - it was only part 1!!!!!

The rigged final contest pissed me right off. Oh what a surprise! The owner of the restaurant has to break a 3-3 tie. That wasn't rigged at all! If it had been 4-1 they wouldn't have even brought the owners out. Goddamn I hate how obviously rigged this show is.

Robin Leach is massive.

Horsefaced Jen came back with all her dramatics. Julia cried like a baby. I used to like her, but she was crying like a spoiled brat. She really thought she'd make it to the Final 2? Really?

So it's breaking down as guys v. girls and they're trying to make it seem like Bonnie is a fighter but there's no way she can beat Rock. This show is depressing because it's making me conduct some self-analysis. Why am I watching something I hate so much? I suppose it's because Mike wants to. He owes me. Big time.

Hawaiian Television Stinks

The call letters KUNT have been approved for a low-power digital television station in Wailuku, Maui. The same station owner also received KWTF for a station in Arizona.

The call letters were among a 15-page list of new call letters issued by the Federal Communications Commission.

KCUF-FM near Aspen, CO has been on the air since December.

Dueling Movie Weekend

In one corner, a cerebral action flick; in the other, a dumb comedy. The good part is, either way, you win.

The Bourne Ultimatum was awesome. Did you expect anything less? Shaky camera work, international locations, realistic car crashes, brutal hand-to-hand combat, tailing people, shaking tails... I'm not sure how much more you could want. Oh yeah, how about the kickass Jason Bourne music. To quote a wise man, "I used to think Matt Damon was a Streisand, but he really rocks the S out of Jason Bourne."

Hot Rod is dumb - but definitely funny-dumb and dumb-funny. It's about the requisite man-child who acts like he's still 12 and hangs out with friends with retro-kitsch tee shirts. Random humor. Montages. Rock ballads. Again, pretty much everything you could hope for.

My Brush With Fame

Here is a dramatization of my sighting of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Exhibit A In My Divorce Proceedings

Or, How I Almost Had Dinner With The Rock.

So Mike and I are eating dinner at Lucille's tonight. A lovely dinner. When I got up to leave, I noticed that the guy behind me had big, jacked-up arms and awesome tribal tattoos. I didn't look at his face. When we got to the parking lot, I saw a huge pimped-out Escalade sitting on 26's and was all, That's a bigass car. That was when Mike decides to tell me that The Rock was in the restaurant. Indeed, Mr. Tattoo was The Rock.

I AM LIVID!!!! How can we sit through the whole meal and leave the restaurant without him telling me it was The Rock??!! It wasn't like I was going to say anything to him. I wasn't going to bother him. But I definitely would have taken note when we left. Then I'd have a great story for you. "He was sitting with so-and-so; he was eating such-and-such." Now all I can report is that he has big arms, tattoos, and a big car. Like that's an F-ing scoop. And that story would definitely beat any of Houman's million Real World sightings or The-chick-from-Scrubs-warned-me-about-parking-my-car stories.

Our marriage is a sham. If he can't tell me when we're sitting next to a celebrity, how can I ever trust him again? At least if he had banged a stripper he wouldn't be doing it in front of my face. I am deeply saddened.

Now that I know The Rock is back at home, I will commence with the stalking.....

You Feel That Sting, Big Boy?

Forget Ron Mexico, Marsellus Wallace is the real problem.

A 40-year-old man was mauled to death by as many as four dogs at the home of Ving Rhames on Friday, authorities said. The victim, who hasn't been identified, had worked at the actor's home for about two years and was responsible for caring for the dogs, said Los Angeles Police officer Sandra Gonzalez.

Police got a call at 7:15 a.m. from someone reporting a dead body at the home. The victim was found on the front lawn, she said.

Rhames wasn't at home when the attack occurred, she said.

Oh, So That's What Chris O'Donnell's Been Doing

Chris O'Donnell and his wife Caroline Fentress are preparing to add yet another child to their ever-growing brood – their fifth.

The 37-year-old actor married Fentress, a schoolteacher, in 1997. Their four other children are Lily, 7, Chip, 6, Charlie, 4, and Finley, 16 months.

Chris Hansen Gets Chris Hansened

To Catch A Chris Hansen - Watch more free videos

Killer -- I Mean Tweener -- Gets Off Easy

The judge just ruled in the Lane Garrison drunk driving trial: "I intend to remand Mr. Garrison today to the Department of Corrections for diagnostics."

Garrison's lawyers had asked the court for a "diagnostic." That means Garrison will be sent to a California prison for 90 days, where shrinks and others will determine if Garrison is a suitable candidate for probation.

Sources say behind closed doors, the D.A. vehemently opposed the judge's order, favoring four years hard time instead.

If the judge goes along with the defense request, the smart money is that the shrinks will say Garrison is a suitable candidate for probation and the judge will agree. That would mean Garrison would serve 90 days.

So You Think You Can Dance Rocks My World

I was dancing all over the living room after Pasha and Sabra's quick step last night. I DO think I can dance!

Here's how I rank the 4 remaining girls and guys, lowest to highest. Keep in mind they are all awesome so it's hard to choose.
4) Lacey was my favorite for a while but these other girls are better.
3) Lauren has done really well these last few weeks.
2) Sara's only #2 because #1 is so awesome. But Sara's great because she's a b-girl who has mastered other dances, all while wearing high heels she had never worn before. I think she's shown the most growth.
1) Sabra. The girl can simply do no wrong. She is amazing to watch. And she only started dancing when she was 16!!

The problem with the guys is that I don't love any of them and don't think any of them should win.
4) Dominic has done really well for a b-boy, but is the weakest of all of them.
3) Pasha - I don't like hammy, Russian Pasha. He's good, but just too corny for me. "I want make the sexy for you."
2) Danny is technically very good, but there's just something I don't like about him.
1) So that leaves Neil. He's the best of the dudes I think, but I don't think he's the best overall. I wish it could be an all-female Top 4.

Backstreet's Back.... Alright!

Ugh. I'd rather hear from the empty pair of shoes. Don't forget - Howie loves the ladies! (Click for a bigger picture - WTF happened to AJ? Get back on the drugs dude!)

The Backstreet Boys are carefully plotting their comeback after a two-year layoff! Brian Littrell, Nick Carter, AJ McLean and Howie Dorough will be releasing their new single “Inconsolable”, a piano-heavy rock ballad, to radio on August 27th. The empty shoes represent Kevin Richardson leaving the group last year.

Their as-yet-untitled sixth studio album will be out on October 30th.