24: Hey, At Least There Are Only 3 Left

24's not off to a good start. Josh Bauer gets named in the previouslies. This can only mean one thing: the Mutant Spawn of Jack is back!

Nadia tells Jack that Secretary Heller and Audrey have left CTU. Wow, that was the shortest cameo ever for William Devane. Hopefully he's taking her to a real medical facility.

In his holding cell, Jack tries to convince Nadia to let him go after Cheng, but this skinny B won't give in to his whispery powers of persuasion. She must have daddy issues.

CTU set up a perimeter around the warehouse they think Cheng is going to. Great idea - those perimeters always work! "Tough" Nadia gives Ricky's team their orders. There is "sexual tension" between Nadia and Ricky. But Ricky thinks girls have cooties!

CTU conducts its raid on the warehouse. In a bit of classic Prison Break misdirection, the Chinese aren't in it - just a bunch of empty weapons boxes signifying the Chinese are about to launch a major assault. Where, you ask? Well, a team of jacked-up Chinese are being sent to infiltrate CTU - from underneath, in the sewer lines.

Morris and Chloe, blah, blah. Why are they repeating the same crap over and over? WE KNOW!! HE ARMED THE NUKE!!!!!

Lisa (the President's Bimbo) is sent back to her boyfriend with false information on her PDA. The goal is to make him (and his Russian contacts) think they got the circuitboard back from the Chinese. She also has a video camera in her purse. Long story short, Tom is now in a van outside the house watching Lisa and the dude get it on. Priceless!

Milo (who looks like he's wearing a wig now) gives his blessing to Nadia if something "is happening between" her and Mike. Um. She just met him. Like 8 hours ago. And they're working. They don't have a relationship. Whatever.

Back to the Land of Chinese Infiltration. They knock out CTU communications and security cameras. TIME FOR A CODE RED LOCKDOWN BABY! Armed Chinese are everywhere. They have easily taken over CTU in a matter of seconds. Jack hears the commotion and gets a guard to let him out. Everyone in CTU is being held hostage, so now it's up to Jack! He shoots his way around the hallways. And gets an uzi off a dead Chinaman. Nice.

In Hostage Land, Milo tells the Chinese he is in command. And promptly gets shot square in the forehead. Another Season One-er bites the dust. Here's my problem with this: the Chinese asked who was in charge. How was Milo to know that Nadia would be in trouble if she stepped up? There was really no reason for him to put himself in her place. Other than as an excuse for him to get killed. And to clear the way for a Nadia/Ricky relationship.

The Chinese find Marilyn and Josh and it turns out the Chinese came for Josh. WHAT? Did he do his high school science project on Russian circuitboards? Jack saves them and they try to escape CTU. Josh makes it into the ventilation system; Jack and Marilyn do not.

The Chinese make Nadia answer Ricky's call and tell him everything is fine. She does, with no discernible distress code. The Chinese speak to Josh over the PA system, threatening to kill his mother if he doesn't show himself and go with them. "SHOOT HER!" I yell. Tragically, the Mutant Bauer complies.

Why did they want Josh? Because Grandpa Bauer wants him. Turns out he was the one working on the circuitboard for the Chinese and he gave them access to CTU. Mike figured it was him. I just figured he was gone forever since he disappeared about 15 hours ago.