07 May 2007

My Spider-Man 3 Review: No Surprises Here

I can't decide if the movie was called Spider-Man 3 because there were 3 things in it that I liked, because there were only 3 fight scenes, or because there were no fewer than 3 song and dance numbers in it. Let me say that again. There were THREE SONG AND DANCE NUMBERS!!

The movie really is a disjointed mess. It's like the writers had a bunch of 30-to-40-second scenes and they picked them out of a hat to determine what order they should be in. It just hopped all over the place. Although it did follow a general pattern: boring, interesting, cheesy, fight scene, lame, boring, boring, interesting, cheesy, fight scene, lame, etc., etc.

The lamest thing: the transformation into "Badass" Peter Parker when he's infected with Venom. He gets emo bangs (way shorter and lamer than Peter Petrelli's) and wears black eyeliner. Why not go all the way and give him black fingernails too?

The 3 things I liked: Topher Grace, Venom, and the New Goblin. Topher Grace was his usual, funny self - I like that kid. On the other hand, every time Tobey Maguire cried, I laughed (and died a little inside).

So I guess I didn't like this movie, huh? When I watch it on DVD, I can skip all the B.S. and keep the movie under 30 minutes.

1 comment:

KM said...

What about when the Butler said "I loved your father just as I love you. " gag me!